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I am asking because when I go, it doesn't comfort her one bit. She is miserable, complains and yells rudely for help because she can't wait. ERs are not fast about things when they realize you've not got a fracture/you're waiting to see the Dr. etc. After the latest episode, I feel like hours of this makes me stressed out (and I have MS and need to take care of my own health). Sometimes I want to say, "I'll come when they're ready to release you and talk to the doctor!" :(

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The last time my mother was sick during covid she had to go to the ER via rescue. I was not allowed in the ER.

I had a info sheet ready with her name, age, DOB, physicians & medications. I also listed her many health issues. This was kept in a tote bag with her wallet( minus charge card & cash). I gave to rescue when she was picked up. I removed her jewelry.

The ER staff called me with information. Mom was admitted to the hospital and I spoke with her nurse everyday to monitor her. After one week she was transferred to rehab & again I was not allowed to visit.

Yes, she can be cared for without you and she may behave much better. Take care of yourself otherwise you will not be well enough to help her.
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Why is she being sent to the ER every time she falls?

If she is asking to go for entertainment then no, don't go. Unfortunately, many seniors use the healthcare system as an attention getter.

I would only go when she is actually injured. Especially since you feel it is detrimental to your own health.
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Why do you think you don’t already have the perfect comment.

I’ve waited, in everyone’s way, through each brain scan and X-ray AND have also waited at home (near the hospital) and gone when the ambulance had returned her to her AL.

Play it by your comfort level, but DON’T hang around to the point of stressing yourself. If you do that NEITHER of you benefit.
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I was lucky to have a mom who was ALWAYS there for me growing up and then some. My mom has and is in early stages of dementia. Yes, I wait, yes it’s frustrating, yes it’s time consuming but I love her and she would do the same for me. It’s very hard, but it would be harder knowing she is there all alone and scared. I do what I have to do, I guess it’s payback for all the love and support she has shown me through the years. Someday she won’t be here anymore and I will have no regrets.
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A familiar story. Go home you have things to do. You will even have a lot more to do when they return. It sounds cruel but your life and mental health is just as important as theirs.
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I am not one of those who think that I have to sit in the room all day staring at the person, doing nothing.

Yes, I would go make sure everything is ok and leave, come back the next day, visit, go through the same routine talk to the doctor and leave.

If I am needed otherwise the hospital will call me.
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I used to go and spend the day with my mom. I think she hated me being there staring at her but I did want to be there cause I didn't want to miss anything the dr. might say and I knew my mom wouldn't remember it accurately so I hung around.
Plus you never know when the doc will show up so I didn't want to go for coffee and miss him/her. So I waited and waited.
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I would ask myself if my being physically present is accomplishing anything or if I should save my mental and physical strength for when it can. Only you can answer that for yourself and the situation. You shouldn’t feel guilted by society or others to place your own health at risk.

On the frequent falls, I would investigate the underlying cause. For example, my mother would fall often when she had an undiagnosed UTI with no other symptoms and even at the hospital that would not be investigated. We ended up asking her doctor for test strips and test orders so we could get that tested ourselves at the first sign of wobbling which has greatly reduced the falls. A friend’s mother kept falling for the simple reason that she refused to get rid of rugs and other trip hazards while denying that she needed a walker.
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KPWCSC May 2022
That is a great suggestion that everyone should consider for anyone who has UTIs. I never thought about asking the doctor about test strips.

I started keeping these at home:

https://www.amazon.com/Multi-Parameter-Infection-Individually-Clinically-Urinalysis/dp/B0893M6R97/ref=asc_df_B0893M6R97/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=507695844407&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9620235690413495545&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9010427&hvtargid=pla-1208618120837&th=1

My husband has confusion due to his cognitive decline so on the days where it seems really bad I use a home test to screen him before making a call. When my father was in a NH, he was confused but family members could recognize when the confusion went to a different level. We would bring it to the attention to the staff who always waited a few more days before testing him and by then he had more symptoms that could have been avoided. I wish we had them then!
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This might not matter but..
Why is she falling a lot?
If it is because she needs a walker or other aid to help her and refuses to use one.
Is it because she tries to do things that you have asked her not to do.. like change a light bulb, get items from a high shelf, wear appropriate shoes.
If she is doing things that places her safety in jeopardy, and doing it knowingly then I would let her take that ride herself.
Is she calling you when she falls so you rush over to her aid?
Is she doing this to get your attention?
What is your mom's cognition?
If she is competent, can answer all the questions that are asked of her
If she is competent and if she is doing things that put her at risk for a fall then I would say this is on her.
IF mom is NOT competent and she is doing things that she should not be doing then it might be time for Assisted Living or even Memory Care.
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I did, and would, but the number of falls were probably less than a dozen, and after my sister died I was the one with the medical data and history.  

I also always took gardening magazines to read and relax me during the often long hours of waiting.  But none of my family were aggressive or rude.  

Perhaps the next time you can privately explain to one of the ER staff and they can from their position of authority explain that she's one of many patients, some of whom have more serious injuries and health issues.
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