For a frequent faller, do you always go to the hospital and stay with them the whole time, every time?

I did, and would, but the number of falls were probably less than a dozen, and after my sister died I was the one with the medical data and history.  

I also always took gardening magazines to read and relax me during the often long hours of waiting.  But none of my family were aggressive or rude.  

Perhaps the next time you can privately explain to one of the ER staff and they can from their position of authority explain that she's one of many patients, some of whom have more serious injuries and health issues.

Why is she being sent to the ER every time she falls?

If she is asking to go for entertainment then no, don't go. Unfortunately, many seniors use the healthcare system as an attention getter.

I would only go when she is actually injured. Especially since you feel it is detrimental to your own health.

The last time my mother was sick during covid she had to go to the ER via rescue. I was not allowed in the ER.

I had a info sheet ready with her name, age, DOB, physicians & medications. I also listed her many health issues. This was kept in a tote bag with her wallet( minus charge card & cash). I gave to rescue when she was picked up. I removed her jewelry.

The ER staff called me with information. Mom was admitted to the hospital and I spoke with her nurse everyday to monitor her. After one week she was transferred to rehab & again I was not allowed to visit.

Yes, she can be cared for without you and she may behave much better. Take care of yourself otherwise you will not be well enough to help her.

Why do you think you don’t already have the perfect comment.

I’ve waited, in everyone’s way, through each brain scan and X-ray AND have also waited at home (near the hospital) and gone when the ambulance had returned her to her AL.

Play it by your comfort level, but DON’T hang around to the point of stressing yourself. If you do that NEITHER of you benefit.

My father fell more times than I could count when he lived at AL. It was more routine than anything else. He had to pay for transportation to bring him back. No way I could be doing that so often. And I only visited if he had to stay in the hospital more than a few days.

I would say stay, because you're her advocate and part of her care team. Nurses have a lot more to do than to cater to your mom's demands, but you leaving probably won't lessen them. You being there is the buffer for them, and I believe in helping out the medical staff as much as possible.

I'd think long and hard if every fall should require a trip to the ER, though. Is there an urgent care nearby? They usually have X-ray machines and can determine if anything's broken, and I'd do some personal triage before even going to urgent care.

Of course, if this all truly affects your health, then I suppose you get to stay home. I was in the ER three times last Xmas, and my husband is absolutely worthless around sickness, blood, or pain. By the third trip, he was on the gurney with me in the ER because he was about to faint, so I kicked him out and sent him home. I spent 14 hours alone in the ER, but as he was unable to step up, that's just how it went.

I keep wondering how things will go when we're actually old and infirm. I'll be by his side no matter what as I have been the multiple times I've taken him to the ER after his unfortunate encounters with power tools, but I know now that he won't be there for me.

Believe me, though, having someone leave you in the ER because THEY can't handle it is really, really awful. The one familiar face abandoning you is tough to take.

I am not one of those who think that I have to sit in the room all day staring at the person, doing nothing.

Yes, I would go make sure everything is ok and leave, come back the next day, visit, go through the same routine talk to the doctor and leave.

If I am needed otherwise the hospital will call me.

I used to go and spend the day with my mom. I think she hated me being there staring at her but I did want to be there cause I didn't want to miss anything the dr. might say and I knew my mom wouldn't remember it accurately so I hung around.
Plus you never know when the doc will show up so I didn't want to go for coffee and miss him/her. So I waited and waited.

I would ask myself if my being physically present is accomplishing anything or if I should save my mental and physical strength for when it can. Only you can answer that for yourself and the situation. You shouldn’t feel guilted by society or others to place your own health at risk.

On the frequent falls, I would investigate the underlying cause. For example, my mother would fall often when she had an undiagnosed UTI with no other symptoms and even at the hospital that would not be investigated. We ended up asking her doctor for test strips and test orders so we could get that tested ourselves at the first sign of wobbling which has greatly reduced the falls. A friend’s mother kept falling for the simple reason that she refused to get rid of rugs and other trip hazards while denying that she needed a walker.

If you were not there and Mom was alone, as my brother was, then your Mom would be waiting alone in the ER. If your illness precludes your doing this then go home and await calls. Explain to the ER staff why this is necessary.
You would not, if Mom were in placement, have any of the staff staying in the ER, either.
Is Mom being sent when there is no sign of injury? Generally in ALF and so on, without injury to head or obvious pain people are often not sent to ER.

My dad's AL used to always call the paramedics when he fell who would in turn take him to the ER. Happened many, many times. Dad was miserable in the ER and made sure everyone else was too! I was not always available to be there so the hospital would call and let me know how he was and send him back to the AL in medical transport. I felt a little guilty not being able to always be they there they assured me it was ok.

I was lucky to have a mom who was ALWAYS there for me growing up and then some. My mom has and is in early stages of dementia. Yes, I wait, yes it’s frustrating, yes it’s time consuming but I love her and she would do the same for me. It’s very hard, but it would be harder knowing she is there all alone and scared. I do what I have to do, I guess it’s payback for all the love and support she has shown me through the years. Someday she won’t be here anymore and I will have no regrets.

This might not matter but..
Why is she falling a lot?
If it is because she needs a walker or other aid to help her and refuses to use one.
Is it because she tries to do things that you have asked her not to do.. like change a light bulb, get items from a high shelf, wear appropriate shoes.
If she is doing things that places her safety in jeopardy, and doing it knowingly then I would let her take that ride herself.
Is she calling you when she falls so you rush over to her aid?
Is she doing this to get your attention?
What is your mom's cognition?
If she is competent, can answer all the questions that are asked of her
If she is competent and if she is doing things that put her at risk for a fall then I would say this is on her.
IF mom is NOT competent and she is doing things that she should not be doing then it might be time for Assisted Living or even Memory Care.

A familiar story. Go home you have things to do. You will even have a lot more to do when they return. It sounds cruel but your life and mental health is just as important as theirs.

I left my sister in the ER room once, once. She was disoriented and had the nurse call me because she could not grasp where she was. When I showed up she was in tears and kept asking me never to leave her again. From that point on I never left her in the ER alone again. My boss was very understanding and our family was a great support system. She had cancer and, of course I did not know this at the time, she would die about a month later. But this is my experience, if the patient is not cognitive enough to get information and answer questions I would not leave them. Get a support system, friends, relatives to switch off. You know friends and relatives always say "if there is anything I can do" well -- ask the worse they can say is no! Prayers for you and your situation!

I usually stay the whole time with my husband. He has dementia and cannot answer any questions and would just say he doesn’t know or give erroneous information. I feel I must be there to advocate for him. Whenever I go, I take a tote bag full of snacks, water, books, phone charger, whatever I need because I know the wait is so long. I also take a jacket, sweater or whatever I think may be needed. I’ve gotten used to this when I went through this with my mother.

If she lives in Assisted Living they will be paid to take of her and sit by her side OR they will leave and return when the hospital calls them.

Seekingcalm65: No, my late mother not only lived out of state, but would not inform me of falls.

It depends on the person. I took myself to Emergency as the GP diagnosed meningitis, when I was about 50. There was no-one to go with me, and I really didn’t need them.

The issue is not ‘emergency’ or ‘being alone’, it’s whether the person you care for actually benefits from the company.

If your "faller" is not a good historian and is not in AL or SNF, you might need to go every time. If your "faller" is good at remembering her health history and explaining her issues, you might let her wait alone for minor incidents... or go to Urgent Care rather than ER.