For almost 2 months I've been banned from seeing or talking to my mom, because of my monster estranged sibling and POA. How can I stop this?

Monikab, you say “I need my Mom and want her back in her home I am living in” and “He is also illegally evicting me not his home”. It is possible that the reasons why you ‘need’ her and ‘want her back in her home’, is that you live in her house and you can’t justify that unless she is there too. Your brother has a Power of Attorney, and if it is activated, then it is not illegal for him to evict you and sell the house. Assisted Living is very expensive, and will probably work through M’s cash – so you are probably wrong if you think he is doing it to get hold of maximum inheritance.

It would be best for all of you if you could be on good terms. Could you offer to go with B to counseling together? Could you talk to someone about where else you could live? This is clearly a distressing situation for you, but if you do nothing to resolve it, it is likely to get worse.

Assisted Living is not a prison, so let's start there. If your mom is in AL, she must need the services they provide. Many people would be grateful to be somewhere that they are cared for.

Why are you living in your mom's home? Why do you need her there? Are you disabled? Are you unemployed?

I don't understand what you're struggling WITH, unless it's Failure To Adult. So please enlighten us.

Monikab,

I’m sorry you felt you had to be a caregiver ( slave ) , and now have to find another place to live .

Your mother may be naturally declining but thinks the place is making her sick .
You said she didn’t want this, but she may not realize she needs to be there.

You have exhausted all legal avenues to have Mom come home . Sometimes even if you are right the law can’t help you . I know that isn’t fair . But you can’t change it . If you stop fighting it , perhaps your brother will let you visit your mother . If you do , you will just say you have no power , if Mom asks to go home. End of life isn’t rainbows and ribbons . The elderly are often unhappy.

You are now relieved from being a “slave”, your words . After nine years I do understand the difficulty in transitioning since your whole life for 9 years was caregiving . You are grieving not living with your mother , as well as you need to find a job and apartment . That’s alot of adjustment to make .

Try to find a social worker , look on your county website , maybe they can help you get back on feet , temporary or low income housing , some therapy , while you look for a job .

You need to focus on supporting yourself now .

Think of the serenity prayer .
Accept the things you can’t change .
Find the courage to change what you can .
You can’t change things for Mom , she is getting closer to end of life .
But you need to change things for you so you can move forward and have a life . If your Mom knew how upset you were I’m sure she would want you to get help
for yourself .
I hope you find peace.

Monika, this isn't about you, it's about your mom. Routine is good for elders and so is physical therapy and set meal times. Perhaps if you treat your brother nicely, he will tell you why he feels you shouldn't be allowed to see mom. You talking about skyrocketing rent prices makes me think you need mom to take care of YOU in her home since brother is evicting you. Speak with a social worker, if that's the case, and see what services are available to you. Therapy sounds like a good idea, as a starting point.

No lawyer or police or USPS can help you, so how do you suppose WE on a forum can help you?? The POA gets to call the shots here, not you, and mom assigned your brother that job. Why might she have done that, do you think?

I hope you can get on your feet and find a nice apartment to rent. I also hope you can fix the situation with your brother. Good luck.

What would the PoA say is the reason for banning you?

It's difficult to know what to say to posters in this situation since we're only getting your side of the story. Yes, there is always 2 sides.

I agree for you to talk to a therapist to figure out basic problem solving, healthy boundaries and goals for your life. I sincerely wish you much clarity, strength, courage, wisdom and peace in your heart as you work through things.

File an APS report with your county that your sibling is preventing you from seeing your parent. While a POA allows them to make decisions, it does not allow them to withhold visitation. They will go in and check on them and remind them that they cannot isolate your parent from you.

You should be able to visit.

Sorry, but you should seek counseling because your mom can no longer take care of herself or anyone in her capacity. You say that you need your mom. She is not going back home. There is no turning back. You must accept this and try to take care of yourself.

I'm sorry to stray from the question but it seems to me Monika needs help and not with ongoing situation. The aggressive behavior displayed here in this forum is unacceptable. Speaking in such ways to those who are trying to offer what advice they can is not normal behavior. I would end this thread.

You say you need your Mom.
But sounds like Mom needs to be where she is and POA is making sure she is cared for.

Rehome or take the dog to a shelter. You don’t have to be stuck with an aggressive dog .

Sounds like you need Mom in the home so you have a place to live . The house may need to be sold to pay for Mom’s care . You may need to move .

If you are distraught over this go see a therapist to figure out why you an adult “ needs Mom “ so badly .

Folks, when a parent is in managed care, the POA CAN indeed restrict visitors to the resident. Especially those they feel will be problematic or disruptive to the resident. And it's up to the facilty to ADHERE to that demand.