I am the full time caregiver for my husband who has AD. He is very social and enjoys talking to other guys. I am looking for time to run errands and he needs social interaction not just someone babysitting him. He does go to day care one or two days a week, but gets tired after three hours but won't rest there. Some agencies say most clients don't want male aides so they don't hire many.
I think it's rather easy for us nowadays to not only accept, but embrace, those who are homosexual. I certainly don't have any qualms about that...but:
a. We need to take into consideration those we care for and THEIR thoughts/beliefs. In retrospect, I think it wigged my grandfather out. Back in his day, homosexuals could be arrested.
b. I've learned from that episode that I was perhaps a little too accepting. As in, I wanted to think that even though the care taker was homosexual, that he'd never harm my grandfather. What I have learned is that....black/white, heterosexual/homosexual...there are good and bad people in this world and I just have to be more mindful of that rather than be politically correct.
Hobbes - just a thought but what if instead of grandpa crying instead of being fearful of the gay CG, well that grandpa was actually crying as seeing his CG & his partner happy made grandpa deal with his own repressed homosexuality. Maybe decades upon decades of pa-pa's being closeted finally coming out.
The care taker we hired happened to be gay. No great shakes here, but again it had more to do with my grandfather's psyche than my own. My grandfather never cried around me, but he cried when this male care taker came near him.
When the family is already strapped for cash, when they hire someone...they expect some relief. In my family's situation, it only made things worse. I took my grandfather to the doctor to make sure he wasn't raped (oh, what fun). My grandfather was the gentlest soul - do you have any idea how that was?
Thankfully, my grandfather was okay. Perhaps he got upset witnessing the caretaker's boyfriend (who came along to help sometimes) holding hands or kissing. I have no issue with that, but my grandfather witnessed something that clearly upset him. At the end of the day, I could say it's no big thing but then, why am I still haunted by it almost 20 years later?
My sister is bi - so I'm rather used to being around people from all walks of life. The caretaker's "persuasion" never mattered to me. Until it mattered to my grandfather.
Please understand, my grandfather came from a different generation where gay behavior was unaccepted. At the time, all I know is that whenever this caretaker came near my grandfather, my grandfather cried = totally unacceptable.
There were times (I was not around) when this caretaker would take him out - usually to the shore - which is what I did, so I thought nothing of it. It calmed him so my grandfather's episodes weren't so severe.
But to see my grandfather CRY whenever this, really a stranger, came near him - could not be tolerated. I took my grandfather to a doctor to make sure the caretaker hadn't done anything to him (do you really want me to say what?). Thankfully, he was fine. I think the caretaker and his boyfriend took my grandfather out (which was good) but my grandfather, coming from an age when homosexuality was not accepted) freaked out if he even saw them holding hands - much less kissing or anything. Anyway....it was a nightmare. I had never seen my grandfather cry before that.
So, it will be hard enough to find a man who will do those things - take a shower/wipe his butt, etc. You need to be very perceptive as to what your father is willing to accept. It may be easier for both you and your Dad to hire a female. I'm sorry. It's just the way it is. He grew up in a different time era where that was a no-no.
I may be projecting right now. I just don't want you to go through all that trouble to learn this for yourself. It doesn't matter what you or I think...it's what your Dad thinks and who or who is not allowed to clean his private parts.
Can you please give the contact details of the male caregiver. I think it will be helpful for us.
What my girls see is both male and females can do nursing however, the males have an edge with the ability to do the physical part of work. Nursing is physical. Both of my girls have had Injuries making them seek other or better working situations.
I wish more men would go into nursing. They are smart, strong and compassionate. Nursing needs them.
Male care givers are often the best solution to assist male clients with ADL's and socialization. They are also good with aggressive mentally challenged people( male or female)
We never used any home aids, so I'm afraid I don't have any helpful tips on that. Once I did obtain a list of independent home care aids, sitters, etc. from the local Senior Center. There were 5 pages of names, but I don't recall any of them being male.