Has anyone had a dementia patient that was pleasant?

My husband still has his easy-going personality, 10 years into Alzheimer’s (late middle stage by now). He is remarkably free of anxiety, anger, and frustration. Given the very challenging nature of taking care of him, I consider both of us fortunate for the stability of his personality.

Yes, there are still good days, but they are different. My husband has had vascular dementia for six years. Wherever his mind has gone, he seems to be happy most of the time. I have realized that he mirrors my moods. If I am angry or upset, he "digs his heels in" and won't do anything I ask of him. If I am calm and reassuring, he will cooperate. Dementia is overwhelming and frustrating, my sweetheart is gone. He does not remember our children. I don't think he remembers me, I'm just here all the time. This is a wonderful place to vent and get advice. Enjoy the good days. (((Hugs to you)))

Wow, my experience has been a bit different. My Dad had always been a very pleasant, easygoing guy, but we're 10 years in now, and as his Alzheimer's has progressed, and his disorientation has progressed, he has become this ornery and nasty creature that struggles and rages like an animal against parts of his everyday life. Trying to get him out of bed, putting him on the toilet to try to avoid changing pull ups constantly, or, God forbid, it's too late and it's time for a shower... Pure hell. He is a nice as can be once he's actually sitting there enjoying his snack, but getting him to those moments of contentment has become really hard.

Initially, he was his old nice guy self with us and the aides, and did as he was asked while attending to him, but now??? He's actually becoming unmanageable. He shouts NO! to virtually anything and everything, whether it's getting up and out of bed, coming out to have breakfast, getting cleaned up after dirtying his pull-ups, whatever. It's all a NO! and then he starts kicking, slapping, elbowing you to get away; he has become an angry, nasty, perpetual toddler but with a foul, foul mouth. This was a man that actually swore very little, and tried hard to correct us as teens and young adults when we got to that age when we thought it was grown to let the F-bombs fly.

In a way, I guess it's true, he stayed his old nice self for quite a distance into this journey, but now, he has morphed into someone totally unrecognizable.
My Dad, as we knew him, is long gone. He doesn't seem to recognize anyone at all anymore, which is expected. All I can do now is cry myself to sleep hoping he will forgive me, he never wanted to live this way, and begged while he was still lucid to not let "this" happen to him. I hope both he and God both can forgive me.

He doesn't respond to kindness at all anymore; doing anything necessary to care for him has become this epic death struggle and battle of the wills. He is stuck in this "struggle" mode, and his physically fighting back against "everything" is utterly exhausting, all from a man that never even spanked us as children. I am afraid of physically harming him when I have to try to keep him from swinging, hitting and kicking, etc. The things he says to me are devastating, I try so hard to remember that old mantra "it's the disease, it's the disease", because I know my dad never hated me like he does now, while I'm trying to clean him up, and he's telling me to "get the f*ck away from me, you f*cking bi#ch". I know he loved me once, I have to try to hold onto that, because this creature despises me.

I already replied, but have since thought of a story that, when first heard, warmed my heart. It's been a long time since I heard it, and will not do it justice, but you'll get the gist.

A husband took care of his wife, long closed-off from the world, from communicating, from recognizing anyone. Alzheimer's had claimed her years earlier. She seemed a shell of who was once a human being.

In the moments before she transitioned, her eyes opened brightly, greeting her husband. In astonishment, he mumbled...where have you been all these years?

She said, "Oh, I've been to wonderful places...."

My Husband was an absolute sweetheart.
Compliant, never violent. Stayed in bed until I got him up (might have been because he needed his walker and never tried to walk without it) But when I had to start using a Sit To Stand he never fought it or when I had to switch to the Hoyer Lift he never fought that either

My sister, who has been in a nursing facility for over a year, has dementia and is a very pleasant person. The nurses remark about her sweet disposition and smile. We have always loved her for her laughter, generous loving soul and she is beautiful inside and out. We are very close (although ten years apart), we have always felt like soul sisters. Because of the dementia it breaks my heart that we can’t converse like the old days. I feel I lost my true sister several years ago. She is just slipping away slowly. This is the most agonizing part of dementia. However, I feel blessed when I see her smile or when I can make her laugh. She has truly been a gift to this world.

Yes, my 96 yr. Old father. Diagnosed at 91 but the best. I just placed him in a memory care facility. Of course he wants to go home but also realizes he is better off at the facility. But my Dad is the best.

Yes. My MIL was bitter, angry & suspicious much of the time, but when dementia set in, she became pleasant, grateful, sweet spoken & trusting. Visitors became potential friends, not people who were out to get her. She didn’t like PT, though. I thought it was remarkable that she was spared the anguish I’ve seen in some.

Yes my friends father was so sweet up until he died last year. He had Alzheimer’s that had progressed very rapidly. However he always was kind, telling his family how much he loved them, even at times when he thought his son was his father. With my mother it hasn’t always been bad with her dementia. You do get great moments with them. Everyone is different but I hope you see the pleasant side

Please bear in mind that a dementia patient becomes confused and lost as the disease progresses. They may not be sure where "home" is but they know they are not there. They also do not recognize the people who come to see them. The ones they miss and wish to see may be long gone--or they may be in the room, but unrecognizable. My aunt found great solace in her grandson. However she thought he was my father, who had been dead for decades. Still, it was comforting to her to see someone "familiar" when she was surrounded by strangers. Given the progress of the disease, it would be very difficult for most to find anything to be happy about. There are those who are very comfortable in strange situations and who are excited about meeting new people. Many, though would find the situation frightening and will be frustrated and angry that they cannot go "home" or see those they love. The best we can do is to try to befriend them as they are. This is usually easiest when we visit them in MC rather than trying to keep them at home when they no longer believe they are home. Easiest for us, but still far from easy.