Has anyone had a dementia patient that was pleasant?

Yes, I cared for my husband for over 3 years after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and multiple other health issues. He had always had a sweet disposition and maintained it until his death at 91. Only occasionally would he flare at me when I was urging him to do something he didn't want to do like get out of his chair or bed so I could clean up his very soiled clothing. Or come to the table to eat, or shower. He just wanted to be left alone to doze in his chair or bed, and couldn't understand why I would not just go away and leave him alone. I learned one cannot argue with dementia, and would finally just leave him and tell him to get up when he felt like it, and he would usually get up within a few minutes, if he thought it was his idea. We were married for 67 wonderful years,
and always had a loving relationship. That probably helped. It is very hard to be patient and loving when you just need them to do some little thing so you can give them the care they need, and they just dig in their heels, but I learned that if I could stay calm and loving, things always went better.

My heart goes out to those of you who are dealing with patients with more difficult personality issues.

For myself watching my Mom go through alzheimers is pure hell..She is not herself anymore. Mom is already gone..Saddest thing I have ever witnessed..Its a most disgusting, terrible disease..We need better treatment as there really is none..They just wither away with complete sadness and anger and they are scared all the time..I pray every night that the good Lord take her ..She doesn't deserve this ..She was a wonderful mother of 5 children...This is devastating for all..I am so sorry for all of you going through the same thing..All we can do is remember the good times that were had before alzheimers robbed our loved ones of their life..prayers for all..

As a hospice volunteer, I see a number of people with dementia. Many are even fun to be around. I never disagree with them. I live in their reality. If they tell me they just had a visit from their spouse whom I know to be long dead, I just, say, "oh, how nice to have a visit like that! I'm so happy for you." trying to correct them only leads to both of you being irritated and to what purpose?

My Mom is incredibly pleasant...and sometimes annoyingly so.
I want a bit of my fiery Mom back.

My husband was pleasant the majority of the time, but like us all had his bad days occasionally. I had to learn the hard way that people with dementia tend to mirror our attitudes and behaviors, so I had to make sure that I was presenting a positive attitude on the outside(best I could), even if I wasn't necessarily feeling it on the inside some days.
They will pick up if you're feeling stressed or depressed, and mirror that, so make sure that you're trying to put your best foot forward.

My husband is pleasant more then not and I Am so grateful. What has helped me, is to think of him as a toddler and lower expectations and responses to some of the nonsense. I try to redirect like I did with my toddlers…. But there are still those times 😉

As an RN, I have cared for several pleasant patients with dementia. Usually, the ones that are unpleasant are having a lot of anxiety. They see the world as a scary place full of uncertainty. We try to counter this with a consistent environment and routine. If that doesn't work, then mild anti-anxiety medications are helpful.

I already replied, but have since thought of a story that, when first heard, warmed my heart. It's been a long time since I heard it, and will not do it justice, but you'll get the gist.

A husband took care of his wife, long closed-off from the world, from communicating, from recognizing anyone. Alzheimer's had claimed her years earlier. She seemed a shell of who was once a human being.

In the moments before she transitioned, her eyes opened brightly, greeting her husband. In astonishment, he mumbled...where have you been all these years?

She said, "Oh, I've been to wonderful places...."

BarnabusB: My late sister in law was always acrimonious to her DH before she was dx'd with Alzheimer's. After the diagnosis, she was pleasant to him.

Yes. It’s early in the diagnosis but my father was usually not a whole lot of fun to be around. He is hyper-critical, verbally abusive, and has a horrible temper. He has been that way for as long as I’ve known him...until dementia really set in. For now, he’s very pleasant and upbeat almost all of the time. He has had very short-lived bouts of his old personality showing up so the potential is still there but for now, we’re just trying to enjoy the change while it lasts.

Please bear in mind that a dementia patient becomes confused and lost as the disease progresses. They may not be sure where "home" is but they know they are not there. They also do not recognize the people who come to see them. The ones they miss and wish to see may be long gone--or they may be in the room, but unrecognizable. My aunt found great solace in her grandson. However she thought he was my father, who had been dead for decades. Still, it was comforting to her to see someone "familiar" when she was surrounded by strangers. Given the progress of the disease, it would be very difficult for most to find anything to be happy about. There are those who are very comfortable in strange situations and who are excited about meeting new people. Many, though would find the situation frightening and will be frustrated and angry that they cannot go "home" or see those they love. The best we can do is to try to befriend them as they are. This is usually easiest when we visit them in MC rather than trying to keep them at home when they no longer believe they are home. Easiest for us, but still far from easy.

Yes. My MIL was bitter, angry & suspicious much of the time, but when dementia set in, she became pleasant, grateful, sweet spoken & trusting. Visitors became potential friends, not people who were out to get her. She didn’t like PT, though. I thought it was remarkable that she was spared the anguish I’ve seen in some.

Yes my friends father was so sweet up until he died last year. He had Alzheimer’s that had progressed very rapidly. However he always was kind, telling his family how much he loved them, even at times when he thought his son was his father. With my mother it hasn’t always been bad with her dementia. You do get great moments with them. Everyone is different but I hope you see the pleasant side

I have been taking care of my mother, with Dementia and Sundowners, for three years. She has her moments of being the "mom" I remember, sweet and funny.

Then there are her days/nights where she calls you names and has anxiety that she is going "home" to grandma who died 12 years ago. Calls her names when she doesn't show up to take her home. I recently placed her in a memory care center because she would break the door, literally, if she thought her "baby" (a doll), was in your room kidnapped or grandma was being held captive in there. We went thought many doorknobs and eventually didn't have any...just deadbolts that she would try to open with silverware. I have my ups and downs with feeling I did the right thing or not, but my own anxiety has gone way down now.

My husband still has his easy-going personality, 10 years into Alzheimer’s (late middle stage by now). He is remarkably free of anxiety, anger, and frustration. Given the very challenging nature of taking care of him, I consider both of us fortunate for the stability of his personality.

Yes, there are still good days, but they are different. My husband has had vascular dementia for six years. Wherever his mind has gone, he seems to be happy most of the time. I have realized that he mirrors my moods. If I am angry or upset, he "digs his heels in" and won't do anything I ask of him. If I am calm and reassuring, he will cooperate. Dementia is overwhelming and frustrating, my sweetheart is gone. He does not remember our children. I don't think he remembers me, I'm just here all the time. This is a wonderful place to vent and get advice. Enjoy the good days. (((Hugs to you)))

Has anyone who has dementia had anything to be pleasant about?

Yes, my 96 yr. Old father. Diagnosed at 91 but the best. I just placed him in a memory care facility. Of course he wants to go home but also realizes he is better off at the facility. But my Dad is the best.

Yes, my very very critical Mom has developed dementia. She is pretty agreeable now. Sometimes the old her comes out for a few minutes, but it passes quickly. I am thanking God every day! I don’t know why this phenomenon happened, but I’ll take it. I’m not angry and feeling hateful inside anymore. Just feel relief and compassion.

Absolutely! I spent 12 years as an Auxiliary Chaplain at a hospital. Many of my patients were classified as dementia cases. Some were Oscars (grouches), but the majority were just ordinary folks who accepted loving care with a smile. The attitude and reactions of the care giver usually set the tone.
However, most of the patients have grouchy moments or days when they are treated in a way that causes them pain or invades their privacy.

My sister, who has been in a nursing facility for over a year, has dementia and is a very pleasant person. The nurses remark about her sweet disposition and smile. We have always loved her for her laughter, generous loving soul and she is beautiful inside and out. We are very close (although ten years apart), we have always felt like soul sisters. Because of the dementia it breaks my heart that we can’t converse like the old days. I feel I lost my true sister several years ago. She is just slipping away slowly. This is the most agonizing part of dementia. However, I feel blessed when I see her smile or when I can make her laugh. She has truly been a gift to this world.

One of the people I took care of was a 101-year-old woman with mild dementia who was more active than anyone might think someone of that age could be. I was the only person (aide or family) that found her agreeable, even pleasant and enjoyable. In this particular caregiving instance, I observed it was because how others treated her that caused her to become uncooperative, irritable, angry, upset, etc. I kept my mouth shut about the observation. A family member and another aide finally took a video of her one night to "prove" to me how miserable she could be...but what I saw was the way the aide dealt with her was the reason for the woman's meltdown.

Another dementia patient I had was in her 90s who had the memory of a sieve, always tried to sneak multiple changes of clothing if she could, didn't like to eat, etc. The memory issue I found to be the most taxing, but she was a very pleasant lady---until the (elderly) daughter came around. Understandably, she was a tired and worn-out caregiver who'd lost patience with her mother, but she'd come in ready for war, when there wasn't one to wage. The mother would either shutdown or become otherwise non-compliant.

My father was always a funny man and a good man, but he was also very strict and tough. The worse his dementia became the more agreeable he became. I have never met an AL patient who remained or became nicer. I've not met all AL patients.

My LO is pleasant and much like his pre-dementia self BUT...he has also trained me quite well to not cross his boundaries. He calls the shots, meaning he doesn't shower, doesn't allow outside help, spends 24/7 watching the news, doesn't usually eat healthy, etc. So there's not much for him to fuss about. I'd say his dementia is moderate (never diagnosed and can pass as someone without dementia in casual interactions). In the past year he has declined lot, but as the solo caregiver, no one else sees it. I anticipate there might be a change in his "always pleasant" demeanor as he enters the later stages of progression in the years to come.

Good Morning,

My mother is "pleasantly confused". My mother has Lewy Body Dementia. In came in stages--a one-time incident of hallucinations, outbursts, almost statue like behavior with no speech and extreme anxiety. It's a miracle she is the way she's made a comeback.

Fast forward 18 months later, a totally different person. In the early stages (3) different hospitalizations. Now with the right medication, structured routine, early to bed, early to rise, an UP Walker Lite, Church Ladies come on a Sunday,
and meals cooked from scratch, Mom is stabilized.

Follow up, socialization (although during the Pandemic, I think symptoms accelerated because of the Pandemic, everything came to a head), plenty of water to prevent dehydration, a shot of cranberry juice daily, good walking shoes, railing NOT a booster seat--on the toilet, shower chair, railing on the stall.

Watch for UTI's, this can cause a lot of issues because you don't know if it's the side effects of medication or part of the Lewy Body Dementia.

When I put Mom to bed with her lavender colored comforter (hospital bed, put the railing up she smiles like a little kid. I put her clean hanker chief and rosary beads under her pillow, tuck her in and put the lamp on till 8PM. Her aluminum walker is used the nighttime for trips to the bathroom.

I keep the light on over the stove and the light on in the bathroom with the door ajar--absolute no area rugs and no step-in shoes/slippers of any sought.

Mom is at Peace!

Everyone caring for my mom thought she was a sweetheart, funny, and quite delightful. I had wonderful times with her mostly, but some very hard times because I had to make all her decisions for her and she didn't like some of them. However, when anyone would ask her a question, she would always say they had to ask her daughter because her daughter was her brain. My mom was not especially outgoing, so preferred to watch what was going on around her and not participate. She did always want to help anyone who seemed to be having trouble though and would go up to them an pat them on the back or try to share her snack with them. There was one woman on her floor at nursing home who I will never forget. She brightened up whenever anyone walked in the door and if music was playing in the main room, she would want to dance in her wheelchair with everyone. She was always happy. I witnessed one day another lady, also in a wheelchair, berating and yelling in a mean voice at the happy one for wheeling backwards down the hall. The happy lady just turned and smiled at her, listened to all the complaints, nodded, and said she liked going backwards and told the mean lady to try it. Hilarious. Another lady from Cuba in my mom's assisted living facility remains on my mind too. She was 100 and still walking around upright without a walker and talking about her early days when she moved to the US with her father. She was constantly looking for her father, but otherwise really sweet and loving to everyone.

Wow, my experience has been a bit different. My Dad had always been a very pleasant, easygoing guy, but we're 10 years in now, and as his Alzheimer's has progressed, and his disorientation has progressed, he has become this ornery and nasty creature that struggles and rages like an animal against parts of his everyday life. Trying to get him out of bed, putting him on the toilet to try to avoid changing pull ups constantly, or, God forbid, it's too late and it's time for a shower... Pure hell. He is a nice as can be once he's actually sitting there enjoying his snack, but getting him to those moments of contentment has become really hard.

Initially, he was his old nice guy self with us and the aides, and did as he was asked while attending to him, but now??? He's actually becoming unmanageable. He shouts NO! to virtually anything and everything, whether it's getting up and out of bed, coming out to have breakfast, getting cleaned up after dirtying his pull-ups, whatever. It's all a NO! and then he starts kicking, slapping, elbowing you to get away; he has become an angry, nasty, perpetual toddler but with a foul, foul mouth. This was a man that actually swore very little, and tried hard to correct us as teens and young adults when we got to that age when we thought it was grown to let the F-bombs fly.

In a way, I guess it's true, he stayed his old nice self for quite a distance into this journey, but now, he has morphed into someone totally unrecognizable.
My Dad, as we knew him, is long gone. He doesn't seem to recognize anyone at all anymore, which is expected. All I can do now is cry myself to sleep hoping he will forgive me, he never wanted to live this way, and begged while he was still lucid to not let "this" happen to him. I hope both he and God both can forgive me.

He doesn't respond to kindness at all anymore; doing anything necessary to care for him has become this epic death struggle and battle of the wills. He is stuck in this "struggle" mode, and his physically fighting back against "everything" is utterly exhausting, all from a man that never even spanked us as children. I am afraid of physically harming him when I have to try to keep him from swinging, hitting and kicking, etc. The things he says to me are devastating, I try so hard to remember that old mantra "it's the disease, it's the disease", because I know my dad never hated me like he does now, while I'm trying to clean him up, and he's telling me to "get the f*ck away from me, you f*cking bi#ch". I know he loved me once, I have to try to hold onto that, because this creature despises me.

There was a great aunt on DH's side who was never unkind to me in any way. I never knew her pre-dementia and she also had a host of other problems - lived in a nursing home. She was always nice to me, but I think pre-dementia she could get a bit feisty (but never abusive or cruel). We talked some (there was a language barrier as well) and I helped keep her clothes in good condition by mending the existing ones and buying additional items when needed. A family member took me aside one day and wanted to "make sure" I knew that this great aunt didn't actually know me or remember me from visit to visit. I felt the underlying message was that he felt I should not be going to see her because what was the point? Was I making him feel bad because HE rarely saw her? I kept going to see her - the nursing home was just down the street from me for heaven's sake!! As I recall, I was one of the few who saw her before she died in the hospital. I don't regret it and think of her often.

This post reminded me of a woman at Moms NH. They had brought her into the Common area in a geri-chair. I guess she was bedbound and I am sure Dementia was involved. She was cussing her aide up one side and down the other. Calling her a wh*** and not so nice other names. She was really nasty. I was walking by her to leave. She looked at me and very nicely said "I love that blue top you have on". I said "thank you" she said "your welcome" and went right back to berating that poor aide. It was like a switch was turned on and off.

My Husband was an absolute sweetheart.
Compliant, never violent. Stayed in bed until I got him up (might have been because he needed his walker and never tried to walk without it) But when I had to start using a Sit To Stand he never fought it or when I had to switch to the Hoyer Lift he never fought that either