I already replied, but have since thought of a story that, when first heard, warmed my heart. It's been a long time since I heard it, and will not do it justice, but you'll get the gist.
A husband took care of his wife, long closed-off from the world, from communicating, from recognizing anyone. Alzheimer's had claimed her years earlier. She seemed a shell of who was once a human being.
In the moments before she transitioned, her eyes opened brightly, greeting her husband. In astonishment, he mumbled...where have you been all these years?
As an RN, I have cared for several pleasant patients with dementia. Usually, the ones that are unpleasant are having a lot of anxiety. They see the world as a scary place full of uncertainty. We try to counter this with a consistent environment and routine. If that doesn't work, then mild anti-anxiety medications are helpful.
My husband is pleasant more then not and I Am so grateful. What has helped me, is to think of him as a toddler and lower expectations and responses to some of the nonsense. I try to redirect like I did with my toddlers…. But there are still those times 😉
My husband was pleasant the majority of the time, but like us all had his bad days occasionally. I had to learn the hard way that people with dementia tend to mirror our attitudes and behaviors, so I had to make sure that I was presenting a positive attitude on the outside(best I could), even if I wasn't necessarily feeling it on the inside some days. They will pick up if you're feeling stressed or depressed, and mirror that, so make sure that you're trying to put your best foot forward.
As a hospice volunteer, I see a number of people with dementia. Many are even fun to be around. I never disagree with them. I live in their reality. If they tell me they just had a visit from their spouse whom I know to be long dead, I just, say, "oh, how nice to have a visit like that! I'm so happy for you." trying to correct them only leads to both of you being irritated and to what purpose?
For myself watching my Mom go through alzheimers is pure hell..She is not herself anymore. Mom is already gone..Saddest thing I have ever witnessed..Its a most disgusting, terrible disease..We need better treatment as there really is none..They just wither away with complete sadness and anger and they are scared all the time..I pray every night that the good Lord take her ..She doesn't deserve this ..She was a wonderful mother of 5 children...This is devastating for all..I am so sorry for all of you going through the same thing..All we can do is remember the good times that were had before alzheimers robbed our loved ones of their life..prayers for all..
Yes, I cared for my husband for over 3 years after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and multiple other health issues. He had always had a sweet disposition and maintained it until his death at 91. Only occasionally would he flare at me when I was urging him to do something he didn't want to do like get out of his chair or bed so I could clean up his very soiled clothing. Or come to the table to eat, or shower. He just wanted to be left alone to doze in his chair or bed, and couldn't understand why I would not just go away and leave him alone. I learned one cannot argue with dementia, and would finally just leave him and tell him to get up when he felt like it, and he would usually get up within a few minutes, if he thought it was his idea. We were married for 67 wonderful years, and always had a loving relationship. That probably helped. It is very hard to be patient and loving when you just need them to do some little thing so you can give them the care they need, and they just dig in their heels, but I learned that if I could stay calm and loving, things always went better.
My heart goes out to those of you who are dealing with patients with more difficult personality issues.
A husband took care of his wife, long closed-off from the world, from communicating, from recognizing anyone. Alzheimer's had claimed her years earlier. She seemed a shell of who was once a human being.
In the moments before she transitioned, her eyes opened brightly, greeting her husband. In astonishment, he mumbled...where have you been all these years?
She said, "Oh, I've been to wonderful places...."
They will pick up if you're feeling stressed or depressed, and mirror that, so make sure that you're trying to put your best foot forward.
I want a bit of my fiery Mom back.
and always had a loving relationship. That probably helped. It is very hard to be patient and loving when you just need them to do some little thing so you can give them the care they need, and they just dig in their heels, but I learned that if I could stay calm and loving, things always went better.
My heart goes out to those of you who are dealing with patients with more difficult personality issues.