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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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If you think that it'll upset your husband to tell him the truth then just tell them they're on a trip right now, or his dad/mom is at work right now but should be home soon. They're therapeutic lies, or as I like to call them "fiblets." You need to tell him whatever will keep him calm and not upset him.
Mom asked for her mother all the time. We usually said her mother was visiting in Philadelphia. (They all lived in Philly decades earlier). Or we said her mother was traveling to Philadelphia. This seemed to satisfy Mom.
Sometimes we said her mother was taking care of the family in Philadelphia.
When you have had to answer this in the past how did he respond? If you fibbed and he accepted it, then answer with a version of that. If you were truthfully and he reacted badly, then remember that and don't tell him. You might want to write it down so you can something like " Your parents are visiting cousin _____".
You might try a vague response like you have not seen him for a while or turn the question around and ask when was the last time your husband saw his parent
With my Mom (she was 98 and had dementia) whenever she ask to go visit her parents, I told her "they are visiting the old country" which my late grandparents would do on a regular basis. My Mom would smile when I told her that.
Using a therapeutic fib not only helped her but helped me, too. Otherwise, if I had told my Mom her parents had passed, she probably would grieve upsetting herself, and the Staff at the nursing home would have to try to calm her.
When my husband, who has Parkinson's, had evening confusion (sundowning) due to an adverse reaction to Keppra and said he wanted to call his mother or father (who were both long ago deceased), I first tried to tell him they were deceased. He became very upset and agitated at me. I tried to explain how they died, when they died, reminded him he was at both funerals, and offered to show him copies of their death certificates. He got angrier, saying he didn't care what I showed him and I was lying. From then on, I would tell him it was too late to call and we needed to wait till morning. By morning he forgot about calling. FYI: once off the Keppra his mind cleared considerably. Be aware of adverse reactions to any meds and discuss immediately with doctor. At first I was told it was probably due to the Parkinson's, or LBD.
I lie early and often. For my mom to hear that her dad is dead would devastate her -- she'd start to grieve again. So I say, "He went to Walmart." And then she's fine. I will lie as often as needed to keep her comfortable and happy. There's no point in "truth" for someone who won't remember in 10 minutes and will then suffer again the death of someone she loved.
You tell him anything that will keep him calm. People here refer to lying although that doesn't make any sense when a person is cognitively declined / has lost brain cells. They do not understand as they did when they had more/full brain functioning/capacity ... so there is no such thing as lying - what there is ... is keeping the person as calm as possible.
I understand that you do not know what to say. Try reflective listening-use his words. Or just say, they are fine and happy. You want to keep your husband 'fine and happy' and this will relax him or put him at ease.
Look at Teepa Snow's website. She is one of the country's leading experts on dementia and how to communicate with a person inflicted. Watch her You Tubes or buy her (or others') books.
And, get support for yourself. This is not easy having a husband who has dementia. You need support, too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
They're therapeutic lies, or as I like to call them "fiblets." You need to tell him whatever will keep him calm and not upset him.
(They all lived in Philly decades earlier). Or we said her mother was traveling to Philadelphia. This seemed to satisfy Mom.
Sometimes we said her mother was taking care of the family in Philadelphia.
Using a therapeutic fib not only helped her but helped me, too. Otherwise, if I had told my Mom her parents had passed, she probably would grieve upsetting herself, and the Staff at the nursing home would have to try to calm her.
People here refer to lying although that doesn't make any sense when a person is cognitively declined / has lost brain cells. They do not understand as they did when they had more/full brain functioning/capacity ... so there is no such thing as lying - what there is ... is keeping the person as calm as possible.
I understand that you do not know what to say.
Try reflective listening-use his words. Or just say, they are fine and happy. You want to keep your husband 'fine and happy' and this will relax him or put him at ease.
Look at Teepa Snow's website. She is one of the country's leading experts on dementia and how to communicate with a person inflicted. Watch her You Tubes or buy her (or others') books.
And, get support for yourself. This is not easy having a husband who has dementia. You need support, too.
Gena / Touch Matters