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You tell him anything that will keep him calm.
People here refer to lying although that doesn't make any sense when a person is cognitively declined / has lost brain cells. They do not understand as they did when they had more/full brain functioning/capacity ... so there is no such thing as lying - what there is ... is keeping the person as calm as possible.

I understand that you do not know what to say.
Try reflective listening-use his words. Or just say, they are fine and happy. You want to keep your husband 'fine and happy' and this will relax him or put him at ease.

Look at Teepa Snow's website. She is one of the country's leading experts on dementia and how to communicate with a person inflicted. Watch her You Tubes or buy her (or others') books.

And, get support for yourself. This is not easy having a husband who has dementia. You need support, too.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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I lie early and often. For my mom to hear that her dad is dead would devastate her -- she'd start to grieve again. So I say, "He went to Walmart." And then she's fine. I will lie as often as needed to keep her comfortable and happy. There's no point in "truth" for someone who won't remember in 10 minutes and will then suffer again the death of someone she loved.
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Reply to Jacquelinezr
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You could say that he/she is "out of town" or any other euphemism that won't upset him.
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Reply to Taarna
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When my husband, who has Parkinson's, had evening confusion (sundowning) due to an adverse reaction to Keppra and said he wanted to call his mother or father (who were both long ago deceased), I first tried to tell him they were deceased. He became very upset and agitated at me. I tried to explain how they died, when they died, reminded him he was at both funerals, and offered to show him copies of their death certificates. He got angrier, saying he didn't care what I showed him and I was lying. From then on, I would tell him it was too late to call and we needed to wait till morning. By morning he forgot about calling. FYI: once off the Keppra his mind cleared considerably. Be aware of adverse reactions to any meds and discuss immediately with doctor. At first I was told it was probably due to the Parkinson's, or LBD.
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Reply to JanPeck123
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With my Mom (she was 98 and had dementia) whenever she ask to go visit her parents, I told her "they are visiting the old country" which my late grandparents would do on a regular basis. My Mom would smile when I told her that.


Using a therapeutic fib not only helped her but helped me, too. Otherwise, if I had told my Mom her parents had passed, she probably would grieve upsetting herself, and the Staff at the nursing home would have to try to calm her.
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Reply to freqflyer
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You might try a vague response like you have not seen him for a while or turn the question around and ask when was the last time your husband saw his parent
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Reply to MACinCT
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When you have had to answer this in the past how did he respond? If you fibbed and he accepted it, then answer with a version of that. If you were truthfully and he reacted badly, then remember that and don't tell him. You might want to write it down so you can something like " Your parents are visiting cousin _____".
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Reply to Jhalldenton
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Starfish4219: As your DH (Dear Husband) suffers from dementia, perhaps you can employ a fib.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Just tell him the truth but he will prob ask you over and over again
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Reply to Trixipie
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Mom asked for her mother all the time. We usually said her mother was visiting in Philadelphia.
(They all lived in Philly decades earlier). Or we said her mother was traveling to Philadelphia. This seemed to satisfy Mom.

Sometimes we said her mother was taking care of the family in Philadelphia.
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Reply to brandee
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Tell him they went to the casino with your dad’s cousin Bonnie. They are staying a few days. (This is if he is too advanced)
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Reply to Southernwaver
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My vote goes to honestly unless it becomes uncomfortably argumentative or repetitive. Then I am into the making up a story thing.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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It depends on how far his dementia has progressed and his personality. Hard to answer without more information.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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If you think that it'll upset your husband to tell him the truth then just tell them they're on a trip right now, or his dad/mom is at work right now but should be home soon.
They're therapeutic lies, or as I like to call them "fiblets." You need to tell him whatever will keep him calm and not upset him.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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