My husband and I cared for my MIL in our home for two years. She was on 17 pills a day as well as on oxygen, insulin shots, and dialysis three times a week. She would have died years earlier without the medical interventions that she had. On the up side, she was mentally sharp until the end.
After watching her wither and become isolated, I feel like I would rather pass away more quickly than live longer with a lower quality of life.
Have others had thoughts about how they look at their own aging process?
I wash my hands for a longer period of time and try to politely slide away when I hear someone coughing,
i eat better, work out more and try to engage in mentally stimulating activities to keep my mind sharp.
I see greater beauty in flowers, a good slice of cake, sunsets, laughter and spending time with people I love.
I feel now now that my time is shorter (than I used to feel) and I want to spend it happier.
I avoid spending time time with people obsessed with money or things. There is too much greed and selfishness in our world.
I donate my time and money generously and take the time to meet (and help) people when I can.
I revised my will. I vow to get better organized.
I would prefer a quick death (while sharp), but want a natural death and realize m, accordingly, that I don’t get to choose.
Getting old takes a lot of courage.
I've told my kids that I flatly refuse to be a burden to them. I will not have them groaning at the 4th visit to the ER in a month, helping clean me up after an "accident," looking for things I misplaced and insist were stolen, trying to persuade me that I have not been kidnapped or transported to another planet, etc.
My stepfather died at age 66. He had a massive heart attack while chopping wood and died instantly. I was always comforted by the fact that he went while doing what he loved, where he was happy, and never had to be confined to bed or hooked up to tubes and machines. God willing, when it is my time, I would much rather go like that.
Plus, I don't blindly listen to any Doctor I visit anymore. They throw pills at every problem and I use to take them without considering the alternative. No longer.
For instance, just last week my doc prescribed Lyrica to treat withdrawal from a antidepressant I was taking. I had a very scary experience with it and thought I was having a stroke. I have since read that there are interactions with it and Effexor which I am weaning myself off of. I still have Effexor in my system obviously so the doc and pharmacist should have caught that. I took the Lyrica back to the pharmacist and told them they could keep it. I should have said they should shove it but the lady working there didn't deserve my wrath so I let it go.
I agree Frequent Flyer. I would rather die on my terms.
I DO NOT want to be like my Mum who keeps trying to cancel the respite care that gives Dad 3 hrs break (from his 24/7 caregiving). She also suggests I quit my job to care for her & my sister. (Do you want your Grandkids to starve? Is my usual answer).
And NOT like my stster, who lives 'independantly' ie alone but requires 20+ hours of care for ADLs, transport, shopping, outings + medication, appointment & financial management etc from family.
They need what they need, I just don't agree with their expectations that 1-2 family members can provide it all.
I want to be like my Auntie, Moved herself to a lovely village. L1 independant, L2 assisted, L3 nursing care, L4 memory care. She's L1 but says she'll just move up as needed. Practical.
I am not a caregiver, but I did get trained and certified so I could help my parents out. My mom broke her hip in 2016 and did not receive even average care at the SNF. Once home she lived 15 months and spent 6 weeks on home hospice. After the poor care my mom received in two facilities, my dad, myself and a most beautifully intuitive, experienced, kind and patient caregiver did our best to get my mom up in her wheelchair, to the commode, the dining room for meals, outside for sun, in the den for nighttime TV, all up until 4 days before she passed.
The caregiver my mom had while on home care was answered prayer. The glue that bound us together through the mess of recovery and sadly, death.
Thank you for what you do, for your dedication to not just the patient but to the family dynamics!
My dad and I still make plans and visit with my mom’s caregiver,
though my mom has passed almost a year.
Good nights and I live yous were always in the equation at the end of the night.
When my mom was sent home from hospital with fast growing tumor that metastasized to her brain... the caregiver made her schedule more available to my mom’s needs. Four days before my mom passed she needed to be cleaned up a little and cool cloths placed on her. By this time my mom was in some pain and didn’t want to be touched. I couldn’t do it alone and my dad is too old at this point. The caregiver stopped by after her overnight job to help me clean up my mom each morning until my dear mom passed.
I know caregivers do not get paid their worth and that is truly tragic!
God bless you and keep you.
You can also borrow against a Universal life policy to help pay for end of life care. So besides having a medical POA, Durable POA and end of life directives and cremation paid for in advance. I plan on Euthanasia after I sign my DNR. They use the same drugs as hospice just in a more concentrated form. After watching hospice - to me it looked like a painfully slow form of assisted suicide. Join the organization Death with Dignity if you want to have the choice of Euthanasia someday in your state.
Paying the bill once a year hurts a bit but knowing I can age into my house and stay here until the end is a relief.
I also don't do "stupid" stuff. If I have to change the battery in the smoke detector..or do anything involving a ladder I wait until a friend comes over so if I fall there is someone to call 911 (and prevent the dogs from eating my face while I lie on the floor for 3 days before someone decides to check on me){{insert laughter here}}
I stay active (other than ladders)
I stay involved
I volunteer
I hope I stay healthy but I do plan to do a medically assisted suicide IF I am ever diagnosed with dementia. I am not going to put anyone through what I went through caring for my Husband.
I do look forward to each day and am thankful for what I have. And I greet each day with optimism
See All Answers