My husband and I cared for my MIL in our home for two years. She was on 17 pills a day as well as on oxygen, insulin shots, and dialysis three times a week. She would have died years earlier without the medical interventions that she had. On the up side, she was mentally sharp until the end.
After watching her wither and become isolated, I feel like I would rather pass away more quickly than live longer with a lower quality of life.
Have others had thoughts about how they look at their own aging process?
I had cancer a decade ago, and the treatment didn't give me a good quality of life while on the treatment for 4 years. To this day, one of the side effects is haunt me. Thus, if something new develops, so be it, I don't want to risk more side effects, and pills for those side effects, and more pills to help with the pills helping the first set of side effect... hope you can follow that :P
I rather have quality of life then quantity.
But I do realize, if I had children I may think totally different by wanting to see their various milestones.
Plus, I don't blindly listen to any Doctor I visit anymore. They throw pills at every problem and I use to take them without considering the alternative. No longer.
For instance, just last week my doc prescribed Lyrica to treat withdrawal from a antidepressant I was taking. I had a very scary experience with it and thought I was having a stroke. I have since read that there are interactions with it and Effexor which I am weaning myself off of. I still have Effexor in my system obviously so the doc and pharmacist should have caught that. I took the Lyrica back to the pharmacist and told them they could keep it. I should have said they should shove it but the lady working there didn't deserve my wrath so I let it go.
I agree Frequent Flyer. I would rather die on my terms.
dramatically over the past few years, and I am relatively young. I do not intend to suffer endlessly and without point. I have no children and never married. There is no one who will care about me or take care of me as I care for my mother. She is 91 and want to keep myself well enough to care for her and be there for her in her last years, but after that If I become so ill that I am suffering without quality of life or dignity, then I will take matters into my own hands. I have enough insulin to open up a pharmacy. For now I do not feel this way, but I am prepared to do what I have to do when I get too old and too ill to have quality of life.
I wash my hands for a longer period of time and try to politely slide away when I hear someone coughing,
i eat better, work out more and try to engage in mentally stimulating activities to keep my mind sharp.
I see greater beauty in flowers, a good slice of cake, sunsets, laughter and spending time with people I love.
I feel now now that my time is shorter (than I used to feel) and I want to spend it happier.
I avoid spending time time with people obsessed with money or things. There is too much greed and selfishness in our world.
I donate my time and money generously and take the time to meet (and help) people when I can.
I revised my will. I vow to get better organized.
I would prefer a quick death (while sharp), but want a natural death and realize m, accordingly, that I don’t get to choose.
Getting old takes a lot of courage.
After seeing what my mom (dementia), brother (lung cancer), & FIL (lung cancer) experienced, I have made it VERY clear to my family my desire of quality over quantity. FIL did that by refusing certain “suggestions” from his doctors & he passed after experiencing uncomfortableness instead of the flat-out agony my brother experienced. His family doesn’t realize what a gift he gave them; I hope they do over time.
I DO NOT want to be like my Mum who keeps trying to cancel the respite care that gives Dad 3 hrs break (from his 24/7 caregiving). She also suggests I quit my job to care for her & my sister. (Do you want your Grandkids to starve? Is my usual answer).
And NOT like my stster, who lives 'independantly' ie alone but requires 20+ hours of care for ADLs, transport, shopping, outings + medication, appointment & financial management etc from family.
They need what they need, I just don't agree with their expectations that 1-2 family members can provide it all.
I want to be like my Auntie, Moved herself to a lovely village. L1 independant, L2 assisted, L3 nursing care, L4 memory care. She's L1 but says she'll just move up as needed. Practical.
As long as I can be useful, I will stay, but if I can help it at all, I will not be a burden to my kids. My two children have their own load and burdens to carry. If at all possible I will not add to it.
I a going to be 85 later on this month. It is interesting how I can see my body gradually shutting down. I have to take Vitamin D and B12 because my body doesn't absorb it any more like it used to. My husband who is outside usually 4 hours a day, has to take Vitamin D also because his body doesn't absorb it either. Kind of interesting when you look at it that way.
Even in winter, there they sit in their heavy jackets, Mom with a knit hat and gloves, again with their pant legs rolled up :)
I am also on Vitamin D and B12 as blood tests showed I was below the norm. And back as a teenager, I use to worship the sun !! Guess it doesn't get stored up for a rainy day :P
As a side note, I am so glad I found this site. It has really helped me as I continue to help out with my mom. My heart goes out to all of you here.
When my mom was about 90 she had a watch that wound itself with arm movement. She thought it was broken, we took it in and had it cleaned etc. Watch repair guy couldn't find anything wrong with it. Finally, I wore it and it worked fine with me. The upshot of it is she wasn't moving enough to keep the watch wound. :-)
I wish more people could see this as a positive. If you have any doubts, go and check into alternatives for senior living. It's much better than it was 30 year ago.
Paying the bill once a year hurts a bit but knowing I can age into my house and stay here until the end is a relief.
I also don't do "stupid" stuff. If I have to change the battery in the smoke detector..or do anything involving a ladder I wait until a friend comes over so if I fall there is someone to call 911 (and prevent the dogs from eating my face while I lie on the floor for 3 days before someone decides to check on me){{insert laughter here}}
I stay active (other than ladders)
I stay involved
I volunteer
I hope I stay healthy but I do plan to do a medically assisted suicide IF I am ever diagnosed with dementia. I am not going to put anyone through what I went through caring for my Husband.
I do look forward to each day and am thankful for what I have. And I greet each day with optimism
@Tiger55, I do need to do exactly that- thank you. We all laugh about it at my house, but I realize that my family might feel a bit differently if actually faced with the situation.
I've told my kids that I flatly refuse to be a burden to them. I will not have them groaning at the 4th visit to the ER in a month, helping clean me up after an "accident," looking for things I misplaced and insist were stolen, trying to persuade me that I have not been kidnapped or transported to another planet, etc.
My stepfather died at age 66. He had a massive heart attack while chopping wood and died instantly. I was always comforted by the fact that he went while doing what he loved, where he was happy, and never had to be confined to bed or hooked up to tubes and machines. God willing, when it is my time, I would much rather go like that.
I am wondering when it is appropriate to post our DNR and POLST on the refrigerator (insert smiley face). I think it should be soon.
I hope you find relief from from your pain. In my experience, increased pain causes high blood pressure.
We've made provision for our older years and have clearly expressed, in written and witnessed form, that neither of us want our lives to be dragged out by medical intervention when we are old. This may sound quite brutal, but I personally would rather have some idea and control over the time I go, because I would like to know my affairs are tidy and not leave that dreadful job for someone else.
It seems that extending life at all costs has become the driving principle, which I personally think is wrong, but I appreciate not everyone shares this view.
I have had the privilege and heartbreak of watching and assisting several hundred people with ongoing caregiver needs die over the decades, including my mother. I certainly would rather pass away more quickly. When I can no longer participate in life, I am ready to go. I had a recent client who passed away unexpectedly. He was just about to interview someone to help his wife with caregiving. He was still somewhat vibrant, had children and grandchildren to live for. but I was not sad when I had heard he had died unexpectedly. A long slow decline requiring more and more help, with the burden increasing, requiring a loved- one to oversee the care. Too much for too many. I, too, would rather die earlier than later. The financial and emotional burden and challenges can be heart breaking.
POLST stands for Physicians Order for Life Sustaining Treatment.