My husband and I cared for my MIL in our home for two years. She was on 17 pills a day as well as on oxygen, insulin shots, and dialysis three times a week. She would have died years earlier without the medical interventions that she had. On the up side, she was mentally sharp until the end.
After watching her wither and become isolated, I feel like I would rather pass away more quickly than live longer with a lower quality of life.
Have others had thoughts about how they look at their own aging process?
As you can guess, things changed drastically in the past 5 years. I am still taking care of him and he continues to deteriorate slowly. About twice a year he is in the hospital and was diagnosed with COPD (emphysema) last year after 2 bouts of pneumonia and two respiratory arrests. One respiratory arrest occurred in the hospital after I took him there when he had a seizure in the vehicle the other arrest happened in the vehicle while I was taking him to the ER for another seizure.
My husband (74 yr) has urinary incontinence, walks with a walker, and cannot remember our grandchildren and often doesn't know me...we've been married 44 years. He requires assistance remembering what to do for personal care...brushing teeth, changing pads, taking a shower, etc. It is devastating to watch a strong capable man deteriorate and become so dependent. I no longer have dreams of things I'd like to do in retirement; I get up each day and talk myself into going into the bedroom to see if he is still breathing. I hate the thought of losing him and I fear the prospect of him deteriorating further. Fortunately, he is fairly happy when he is awake; I talk to him although he doesn't always know what I'm talking about. So, I am very grateful that he isn't angry or abusive....he did go through a period of those behaviors after the stroke, but is much more docile now.
Taking care of my husband is my life...I have no idea what I will do when he is gone. Furthermore, I'm totally afraid of my own aging. I don't want to become dependent like my husband....I can't imagine my son or his wife taking care of me and I hope they don't have to.
I appreciate reading everyone's comments...I do believe in an eternal life....I just don't like the journey to arrive there.
Hillary sitting there in her sunnies at the beach...
Being old and able to still go to the bathroom and fend for myself, I posed this question to my adult children. It started an interesting conversation. Immediately, they all answered, "I'll do it myself." I laughed. The optimism of youth.
If you are housebound, have a difficult time showering and keeping up with daily hygiene how are you going to "cut your toenails?"
There are so many frustrating issues that everyone will face inevitably. The questions about money and wills are the most insulting. The elderly are not the lottery, nor does anyone deserve anything. Spend every cent you have on taking care of you.
Plan for your latter years. Hubby may not be there. It's a travesty we do not have death with dignity laws in all states.
You can go your whole life and never think you and another sibling will be arguing over who Mother's caregiver will be. Money sheds a whole new movie.
Being a caregiver is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. Never let money be a thought. It changes people. Saddest thing I have ever seen a family go through. Meanwhile, a lot of children are at the lawyers office trying to get POA or a will signed. Karma takes care of all of us. We get what we give. If you feel cheated, then you thought about cheating. No easy way. Nursing homes, assisted living or with a relative, the elderly know they have overstayed their welcome as soon as they have a need. Bless you all.
I'm going to ask this over dinner tonight.
I suppose if you can't do it yourself - like everything else (shopping, cleaning, home maintence, driver to appointments etc) it's either family, friends or paid people/professionals. (Although would have to be a VERY good friend for toenails!!!)
Sorry to be so grim & negative!!!