I'm struggling dealing with resentment towards my siblings. Any advice?

This too has been my life for the past three years or so. I wonder if a study has ever been done about the dynamics surrounding families with parents who need support. Just
anecdotally, it seems like most of the burden falls on one person and that one person more often than not is a woman.

I had a knock down drag out fight with my two sisters and brother over my father's care and the burden of keeping up the house and yard. I just blew up at them and I must have hurt their feelings quite a bit as we stopped talking.

Then about a month ago he fell and hit his head. He died a week ago. His death was unnecessary and the result of the two sisters' refusal to even consider assisted living or adding caregiver hours. At least I was there when he died. The other two had gone home even though the hospice nurse advised he would probably not last the night.

I too have lost respect for my siblings, something I could never have imagined before all this began. We came together while he was ill but now we are in the probate preparation phase and planning the funeral, so the hissing and spitting is starting up again.

I so look forward to getting on with life after this is all over and accepting that my siblings (and I include myself) are not the people I thought they were.

I think my siblings didn't know how much I did to take care of my father. I devoted myself to protecting him through the pandemic. I worked with his geriatric physician to make sure that he was as healthy as he could be at 93. I could have made a list a mile long of the time and effort I took to protect his health.

I imagine that sitting them down and laying out to them what you've done to successfully get your mother to this point might trigger them. Then again, maybe they don't have the wits or the interest in understanding how much work it is and how exhausted it can leave you. On top of that, you're feeling slighted and maybe you should tell them that.

I have a feeling your mother does not have durable medical or financial powers of attorney or you would have mentioned it. If she is still competent enough to manage her affairs, this is a good time for her to get all her estate planning documents drafted.

Suggestions, not legal advice.

This is a very normal feeling for many caregivers who have either willingly stepped up to take care of an aged parent or have had it thrust upon them by siblings who don’t want to put their life on hold. I’m my father’s caregiver and yes I am struggling with feelings of resentment and irritation towards my siblings, who although are grateful that I’m the one doing it, do sweet bugger all to help in any way. The situation is that my father has always made it obvious to my siblings and myself that I’m the “golden child” I hate that term and I hate the fact that I am his favourite. There shouldn’t be favourites, children should be loved equally and my siblings are definitely not. I’m sure my father feels that it’s his duty to love them.
This has caused a lot of resentment with them towards me. I was pretty rebellious and wild in my youth and did things which I knew would anger him and still he turned a blind eye, while everything my sister and brother did was dealt with in the harshest manner. So maybe this is payback on their part and why I suspect that I was the given the job.
It’s got to the stage that I don’t bother ringing them to tell them anything regarding our father and would be happy to have no contact with them at all. I can’t be bothered because they simply don’t care. Sorry about the rant.

Better talk this out with a counselor before irreparable damage is done.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm sorry to say it probably won't get better. And you are probably better off. Their drama doesn't have to be yours. Stay strong.

welcome to the club. I'm over it and know once my mom is gone our relationship is over. I have found ours is not the 1st family this has happened to and won't be the last. I talked to a lady that has been estranged from her brother for 40 years now due to the things that happened when she was left to care for both their parents before they died. Such is life I guess. Right now I have a loving 96 year old to care for and worry about while I work a full time job and with little finances to juggle it all along with my own expenses. But God provides and we make it work without help or helpful input from my siblings. It is what it is. Life goes on.