I moved in w/my mom 9 months ago. I have been shopping 1-2 times a week and she stays home w/her dog. I had spoken to someone at the Alzheimer's Assoc. and they apparently contacted social services due to our conversations. A social worker just showed up today for an hour asking lots of questions which I know she had to get the info from the Assoc. In addition to tons of handouts she presented one re: that if my mom goes out the door, gets lost, or hurt while I am gone (even though I race through the store) I can be prosecuted and given up to 7 years in prison! There is no family nor friends, etc. to stay here although she has managed fine on her own for 4 years. I am really scared of this. Does anyone have any experience or knowledge of this? We can't afford a person at $80, 4 hour min. to come in each time I need to shop. I also have personal things I'd like to do, but feel I cannot now. Any suggestions?
We live in a small island. You can drive around the island 40 mph within 2 hours. Despite our small island, we also have respite services. There are at least 2 programs here that is locally/federally funded (they split the funding). One program allows us to have 4 hrs a week. The govt caregiver comes and spends the whole morning or whole afternoon, and the cg can go shopping or do bills or go to the movies. What we did was instead of using up the 4 hours at one time, we asked if we could spread it out to 1 hour per day - 4 days a week - for them to come and sponge bath my bedridden parent. The Other Respite program, also gives me one hour respite + $60.00 for Me like a credit card to be used at the mall or massage, or movies + $60 of supplies (Depends, gloves, baby wipes, etc...).
So please call around. Try first the senior citizen department. They should be aware of most programs pertaining to the elderly/disability.
Try leaving her for really short times at first - 20 minutes - Have her "promise" to stay with her dog until you return. If that works go for 40 minutes....
I was caretaker for my husband for two years after his stroke until I could no longer do all the home care ( he was a large man and virtually helpless) and a nursing home was found. He did fall out of bed once but the ambulance was there before I could get back - he had pressed the emergency button!
Don't be "afraid" to ask for help.You deserve it and Mom might even enjoy a new face!
Good luck!
I stay with my 95-year-old mother and our outside doors are key-only. I wear the key on a lanyard around my neck. Mom now is equipped with a tracking device loaned to us at no charge by the local Sheriff's Office. The stove and oven are turned off at the junction box when not in use and Mom can't get to it. Still, I don't know what she'll do until she does it. She herself is the biggest danger to her safety and the only viable prevention is to keep a close watch.
Hopefully I'm not making this sound easy because it's definitely not. I too lack resources for help and recently visited the local Council on Aging to see what's available. I'll be following up on this and hope you will do the same where you live. Best wishes to you.
It is frustrating and a double edged sword....the case worker toots the list yet has no quality control or power over the list. ughhhhhhhhhhhh!
Sorry for bithching.....I am now going to community college for nursing students, lions and kiwani's club, and the local churches as I must find some relief. I have high hopes for the church as our MSW from homehealth recommended these ladies as personal friends and former caregivers themselves...small town here limited but also connected!
My mom would never wander or walk around house n get hurt, but she would offer an intruder a hot cup o coffee and a sit or not be able to escape in case of fire etc.... '
Untill this month i had help at least with a sr companion who would sit with her,while i shopped, but she died suddenly last Friday we are still reeling from the loss of our Wanda..we had become close over the years! I don't wanna be so insensitive but i have called about a replacement.
So yes there are programs..sr companion was thru the local sr center and the county gave me This home health aide type once a week, which is up to me to find.
Oh ya i did find a new program i will apply for that if i take ma into town 25 miles away they will keep her at a facility just a day program and not sure how much till i get evaluated but ... I have the app and will turn it in and see if/what we qualify for!
I am rambling in frustration this morning but hope some of it helps!
keep looking and asking around!
I would say leaving them is equal to leaving a child so do be careful in that respect.
Luv
Juju
She does have a Lifeline. She does not remember that she has it, nor would she remember to use it. The people who installed the system suggested that I have her push the button daily to "test" it, they say that often helps their clients remember they have it. I need to start doing that with her, today shall be the day! All that said, they do make units that will detect falls automatically, this is the pendant she now has.
When the time comes that she's not okay alone, I'll tap into the resources given me by the home health agency. They work with two specific companies that they've vetted themselves, that have both skilled and unskilled caregivers; the unskilled hourly rates are in the $12-$18 range.
Can she be left alone? How bad is her Alzchemier's, check in with Senior Resources in your area or an agency that can help you. You can go on line also and see what is available in your area.
Best of luck with this, with a little information, you might not have to run through the stores and have a little time to relax. Medicare will pay for a certified nurse's aide to come in, provided her doctor stated that it is needed. But if she is not homebound Medicare won't cover it, but Medicaid, which is state aide will cover the costs.
I have another concern which is along these same lines. Right now where I live we are having a terrible heat wave, with heat advisories, etc. Mom, who has dementia, lives by herself but doesn't yet require full-time supervision (according to her doctor). Though there is someone with her every single day, there are 3-hour stretches during the day when she is by herself, in addition to 8:00 p.m. - 9:00 a.m. At 9:00 a.m. whoever gets there turns the ACs on to low / energy saver to cool the house down. However, for those 3-hour stretches in the afternoon, she turns them all off! So worried about electricity, etc. When we get back 3 hours later, it is stifling hot - 86F - she is disoriented and hot to the touch. What to do? I did block the controls with a note saying "Mom, please leave this on until someone comes back". However, I am not sure that will deter her. She sure can be determined! LOL - gotta love them.
Anyway, thanks again for bringing this up.
The Alzheimer's association can help by providing an aide to sit with your mother 4 hours a week while you shop for free. Millions of people donate to this group --I think they need to help rather than be critical with no "helping hands".
If your mother is able to manage for a short run to the grocery store I don't think anyone needs to be involved. The medical alert buttons are good but often the elderly will not use it as they prefer to wait for the primary caregiver.
There will come a point when your mother's condition will change and you will not have the ability to leave her for short periods, it is usually part of the decline.
As far as the law, I doubt if a fall when you are out would result in your going to prison for 7 yrs. Think of all the elderly who live alone, their kids ignore them for days/weeks on end and eventually end up in a nursing home. Frankly, the courts have bigger fish to fry if you ask me.
Try to get a caregiver, but I do know that normally you need to hire a home health aide for 4 hours at $20.00/hr or more. I found a lady who would come to the house each Sat morning so I could do errands. I paid her for the time I was out and I was generous as she was good with my father and I found it very difficult to get someone to come each week. Caregivers who have large families and can always find someone to drop in don't know the trials one goes through doing this caregiving alone except for paid home health aides. It is an expensive proposition but I would use any savings your mother has for these costs if needed. It is providing for her safety and frankly your peace of mind.
I remember the knot in my stomach as I waited in checkout lines knowing I had 15 minutes to get home and relieve the home health aide. Believe me I know what you are up against. Hang in there and go after the Alzheimer lady and her supervisor---they definitely overstepped by a mile. The two of them together would not be able to give the care you do each day.
Take care.
Elizabeth
Geez, if leaving your charge alone for any length of time and they fall and injure themselves gets you put in jail, then lots of us caregivers would be in prison. Just yesterday, I had to lay down because of severe muscle spasms in my back, and while I was resting, my Mother fell in the kitchen. I heard a big bang and went looking for the source. I found my mother splayed out on the kitchen floor. She had tried to sit on the bench and missed, hitting her head too and getting a huge gooseegg in the process. So, someone is going to sue me for that? that would make caregiving an extremely hazardous occupation and many caregivers would begin to say "Uh, uh, no way am I going into that bear trap!" With this hyperbole, you can see the ridiculous of the threat for having left her along.
Use this as an opportunity to educate them about jumping to conclusions and over stepping boundaries.