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Mom says I blow things out of proportion and have 'all or nothing' ways of seeing things. This may be true, so I'l like to have some feedback, please. I assume people shower daily, or day and a half. She's a couple of years past a stroke and says it's "such a production" and causes power struggles. If I leave her alone, she has let it go for a week. We have limited remodel options, but I'm still working on it. For now, she holds handlebars, steps over a tub (!), has a shower chair and a long shower head on a hose if she wants it (but can't figure out out to change from top to bottom shower head). So, she's right. It is a production. What's a good number to do battle over? Is once a week considered poor care? We are currently arguing over 3x/wk. I assume skin health is a factor.

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I don't think there is a clear answer here. If she has diarrhea, for example, bathing would have to be every day. No one will say you are giving inadequate are to insist on once a week. Maybe twice a week as a compromise? We ended up brining in a CNA twice a week, whose main job is to help Dad shower. She endures the fights, that way, and so Dad doesn't duck me all the time, in fear that I'll once again be bringing up a shower . Also, before we did this, he would turn on the shaker and stand outside it, pretending to shower. So this prevents that, as well. I'd prefer three times a week, but at $100/ day (the minimum booking), I'm fine with this.good luck!
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G:

Every other day fill the tub 1/2 way with warm water and bubble beads, help her sit in, and hand her a luffa if she can bathe on her own. Sometimes we want to be pampered and treated to a 5 star, regenerating Hollywood experience. Sometimes we don't want to be bothered and prefer warm water, soap, and a plain rag.

If the problem persists, give her the whole speech about the importance of good hygiene to prevent infections / illnesses and the embarrassment of smelling a little less than fresh.

Good luck.
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We have hospice care come in and "they say" 3 times a week is sufficient and that is the schedule that nursing homes use too. I normally supplement another shower over the weekend and more if I think she needs it. She seems to think she doesn't need to shower as often but if I smell anything, I get her in the shower. Fortunately, my mom doesn't argue with me. I'm an everyday shower person but older folks' skin dries out more and I'm told they don't need a shower more often than every other day. One aid item that has helped us a lot is a transfer shower bench - it is made to so that two of its legs sit outside of the tub with the other two legs inside so that she can sit down and raise her feet to scoot over into the tub rather than stepping over it when there would be a risk of falling. I put up two shower curtains so that once she is in, I can pull them together and I pin them together with a clothes pin so we don't get water every where. I also put a towel on the side of the tub under the bench to catch any water that comes thru. We use a shower head on a hose. No way a tub bath would be accessible for her.
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When my friend was totally incapacitated (ALS) we bought adult bath wipes and the aide used them to wash her all over. They can be purchased on-line and can relieve the anxiety of your Mom getting in and out of tubs/showers.
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Those adult bath wipes can be purchased at Walgreens, too -- and probably other drug stroes.

When my mother was growing up everybody in the household got a bath once a week, several of them sharing the same water. And these were active farm folks who actually got dirty! No wonder that generation thinks our insistence on frequent bathing is nuts. Unless they are incontinent, I think a shower or bath a week can be adequate.

A walkin tub has made taking a bath a pleasure for my husband. It is a substantial investment, though, so I don't think it is a solution for everyone.

From what I hear in caregiver meetings, many folks with dementia have a real hard time with water coming at them and showers are difficult. Maybe directly the shower so it doesn't spray them directly but allows you to wet a cloth for washing and rinsing would help, if the loved one has dementia.
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To jeannegibbs, I agree. My mother in law is 95 and her family took a sponge bath every day and a true bath on sat. when they washed their hair and set it. They had to look their best for church on Sun. They washed out their underwear cuffs & collars every night too, hung to dry (alternating 2 sets), to wear each day. She has been washing her hair every 2wks for years. Luckily she has dry hair. Even though she doesn't take real baths as often, I never notice any odors. My only problem now is getting her to wash her hair. She doesn't realize how long it's been. I'd be happy if she agreed to once pr week!
When my dad was in a NH , they said 2x pr week was required by our state.
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Have similar problem with my 90 yr old mom with alzheimer. Before her disease you could set your watch by her bathe time. Everynight like clockwork she would take a bath before bed around 8:30/9:00. Now its a production to get her 2 bathe sometimes 1x a week. She has degenerative arthristis in left knee that made it nearly impossible to get in a tub. We were blessed with assistance in remodeling the bathroom to include a handicapp shower. she still sometimes dont want to get in the water but is more co-operative now than before. because of some incontinence I use CarraFoam skin and perineal cleanser can b used 2 shampoo also because it cleans and moisturizes or Ca-Rezz Incontinent care that is a no rinse wash thats great for stopping ordor but extremely gentle, I use this on her face.
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