Also, my brother was cremated. Don’t know what my other brothers will do. Well, one says he also wants cremation. My mother was very upset to cremate my oldest brother at first. Then she accepted it. I had to make the arrangements. My oldest daughter went with me. My brothers didn’t even offer.
Not sure if she really wants this or not.
She has a bad memory of her neighbor being cremated and another neighbor passed out spoons to sprinkle the ashes in her flower garden!
My mother couldn’t do it. She wasn’t interested in scooping out some ashes and putting them in the garden. Creeped her out.
She says most of our family is dead, her friends have died so she feels it’s a waste to have a wake and funeral. I understand what she is saying but she is a lifelong devout Catholic and I told her we could have a funeral mass with a short viewing before the service. That is how Catholic funerals were done before having the priest say mass at the funeral parlor. Some people still do it all in the church. She seemed to smile when I mentioned that. I want her true desire to be expressed and not to say something just because she thinks we want to hear it. Any suggestions are appreciated?
Although this is off-topic, it was brought up several times in the comments. You need help. Your "screen" name says it too! Although the veteran's paperwork is a bear, do try to get that done if you can. The third party that sent me the documents and instructions unfortunately sent me expired documents, so after all the work I did, it was rejected. BTW, in addition to your dad's SS# you will also need his military information and he will have to have participated in some part of a war for a given time - read the regulations and rules or call the VA to inquire before spending all that time doing the paperwork! I was going to apply again, but with all the other stuff I have to handle, it never got done. In some respects, I suspect it would have been rejected because of mom's income/trust assets. However, you could potentially get money and/or some in-home help provided by them. It is worth exploring. A local veteran's group might be able to assist you in filling out the paperwork and processing.
Another option - if mom needs personal care, such as help with bathing, dressing, toileting, etc, Medicare DOES provide some limited assistance. When we were exploring hiring people to come in to let mom live/stay in her condo, the nurse who did the assessment told me that if mom had agreed to getting such help, some care would be covered (Medicare did cover the cost of the assessment, etc, but because mom refused, we did not get to take advantage of that help!) It is limited, but hey, anything is better than nothing! If your mom's income and assets are low enough, she might also qualify for Medicaid - these aides and any money they can provide could help you by bringing in assistance and taking some of the load off of you. Moving her at this later stage might be difficult AND expensive and might be hard for her. It will require a lot from you, either way. Exploring places for mom will take time and energy and you DO need to check several at the least. All are set up differently and charge differently, so it isn't as easy as it sounds! Even with yearly increases. our mom is still charged less than the first place quoted, 2.5 years ago, and that was for a "shared" space (2 BR/shared bath), something I know she wouldn't like!
Depending on her condition, hospice? I have no experience with that, but perhaps others can enlighten us - would they provide in-home assistance, even on a limited basis, to help out with personal care?
Another thought - many times various organization, including churches, have volunteers who can help out. When you have the priest there, inquire about it. Even if it is just someone who can watch over mom for a while so you can get out and take a break (or a nap!), it might help.
Thanks for your info. I think mom will qualify because dad’s social security isn’t a lot. Never know but it is worth a shot. Trying to decide if I should do an elder attorney or a veteran group. Any suggestions?
I was told mom qualified for help with bathing but in my area there is a long wait list. Council on aging is very busy here.
We lost everything from Hurricane Katrina, documents, nine feet of water in mom’s house so that slows things down too. Mom came to live with us with only what she took during our evacuation from New Orleans. Not much. But the important thing it that we survived. So many died in that storm.
Your kindness means a lot. I appreciate it.
She seems okay with the cremation. Just really surprised me is all.