My parents were married 26 years and it was very unhappy. They divorced and it was quite messy. Dad remarried a great lady and were together until she passed away 25 years later. Now my dad is in Assisted Living and talks constantly about how awful my mom was/is, personal information that no child should hear about their parents and how he was screwed out of money. I always let him know that he should be thinking about the good times he had with his 2nd wife and not dwell on bad times. I get upset with these stories and can't hold a conversation with him that doesn't involve this topic. He is also telling this to my step brothers & sisters and anyone else he finds. Some details are very embarrassing and inappropriate and it makes me uncomfortable. Should I just ignore everything? Cut him off everytime he brings it up? Other suggestions?
There is nothing wrong with you telling him you won't discuss and will leave if he will not stop.....and do it if he does not comply.
I was successful in getting my aunt to not discuss unpleasant “stories” by insisting she stop.
Shes 93 and has dementia. She learned that I would not put up with it. My theory was each time she said it, she reinforced that unpleasant memory. I did not argue with her. I did remind her that one of her stories happened to her friend and not to herself.
She wanted me to stay with her and visit so she would stop but I do know that she’s told these stories to her aides so I can’t say she forgot them.
This may or may not work with your dad but might be worth a try.
Look up rumination. I think this is what your dad is doing.
I like the idea of bringing a topic to discuss before he gets started.
I would also like to gently suggest that you might benefit from a bit of therapy yourself as this had to have been a difficult childhood if your parents were so unhappy while you were growing up. This may be an opportunity for you to heal from that trauma. Staying and listening to it may be very harmful to not only your present but also future happiness.
Do take care of yourself. I’m sorry for this difficult time.
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