Whenever he has a medical problem that I have to call to her attention she gets angry and acts as though he doesn’t have a problem at all. About five days ago the fire alarm was pulled at night and in the confusion he fell going out of his room. He has a bruised knee that is bothering him and to further confuse matters first denied it was bothering him. After days of ‘it’s better’ it’s actually not better. I called her in to ask her to have someone come and look and take an x-ray to rule out a small fracture. She went ballistic and said he would be in excruciating pain if he had a fracture and then proceeded to very forcefully move his leg up and down on the bed to prove it. (I told her to stop that). Then she got on her hands and knees in his bed and got right up in his face his face telling him he had to wait 5 days till the MD resident came back to see him he wasn’t listening to her. We ended this nastiness by not knowing if she was going to order an X-ray or not.
I am afraid to make too much of a stink because I actually feel this woman could be dangerous (and I have been a caregiver for over 20 years to parents and sibs) and I don’t want to provoke her further. It is the first time I have actually encountered someone who I thought was pathological.
Any advice appreciated.
We should never stay quiet about such things. Nurses like these mentioned have no business working in the field and potentially killing or at least abusing patients like our fathers. Speak your truth about this incident and make sure this nurse never attends to your dad again.
I want to start by telling you how sorry I am that your poor father is being treated so badly by a nurse. I had a couple at the facility my father was in who behaved badly and very unprofessional. One in particular. Here is how I handled it.
First I made a call to my state's Ombudman's Office and told them what was going on and said it had to be investigated or I'd be forced to take matters into my own hands by involving the police and personal injury lawyers who specialize in elder abuse in nursing homes.
Your father is being abused by this nurse. So if I may speak plainly as I do, you have to put the fear of yourself and God into her. The same way I had to a couple of times. When she got into your father's bed on all fours and and in his face, you should have pulled your phone out and recorded it. Then you bring it to the police and the Ombudsman and you don't take no for an answer. Name this nurse personally. Set up cameras in his room where you can view the footage from your phone any time day or night. If the facility doesn't like it, TFB.
One nurse was getting aggressive with my father and being very rough forcing the meds in his mouth. He wasn't taking them fast enough. She thought they were alone until the door to the room shut because I was hiding behind it. With my phone and making a movie. I only had two words for this woman, 'smile, b*tch'. That footage went straight to the DON and the Ombudsman.
She was not allowed to care for my father for the rest of his stay in that facility. I moved him to a different facility. I did however make it my personal mission to get this nurse's license taken away or at least suspended. It finally happened two years after my father passed away. He wasn't the only patient she behaved that way to. It was my genuine pleasure to sit in the gallery at the licensing board (which is open to the public in my state) and watch her squirm and try to explain herself. I waved to her a couple times. She remembered me.
Elderly people can be abusive and get on a person's last nerve. No one knows that better than me. I was a homecare worker for 25 years. My father couldn't speak and was a bedridden invalid though. He was unable to behave abusively.
You need to make this nurse's life a living hell. You be relentless to the administration of the facility. Do not let up. Do not let them railroad you into backing down. Threaten with litigation if you have to. Then go straight to a lawyer. Don't let that nurse or the facility who employs her get away with it.
In the meantime, start looking at different facilities to place your father in.
So sorry this is happening and hope you will update us after speaking to the administration.
If you feel stonewalled within the facility there are outside agencies you can contact. Hopefully other knowledgeable posters will offer their seasoned advice. I hope you find a solution quickly.
What I did was get friendly with the family of other patients in the nursing home and the aide (CNA) staff. These are the people you want to be on the good side of. Also, you have to get your face seen all the time and at all different times. They need to know that they don't know when you'll be popping in.
It's a headgame with nursing home staff. You have to keep them on their toes. If you do, your loved one will get treated right,
I wanted eyes inside the facility my father was in, so I got friendly with the aides. Especially one who worked the same shift as this nurse. I told her if she looked out for my father and recorded any incidents with this nurse, I'd make it worth her while and I did.
You can never let the staff or administration of any care facility relax.
If possible state facts and leave emotions in check (my major failing), What this nurse is doing is elder abuse, plain and simple and should not be allowed to continue.
Best wishes