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Whenever he has a medical problem that I have to call to her attention she gets angry and acts as though he doesn’t have a problem at all. About five days ago the fire alarm was pulled at night and in the confusion he fell going out of his room. He has a bruised knee that is bothering him and to further confuse matters first denied it was bothering him. After days of ‘it’s better’ it’s actually not better. I called her in to ask her to have someone come and look and take an x-ray to rule out a small fracture. She went ballistic and said he would be in excruciating pain if he had a fracture and then proceeded to very forcefully move his leg up and down on the bed to prove it. (I told her to stop that). Then she got on her hands and knees in his bed and got right up in his face his face telling him he had to wait 5 days till the MD resident came back to see him he wasn’t listening to her. We ended this nastiness by not knowing if she was going to order an X-ray or not.
I am afraid to make too much of a stink because I actually feel this woman could be dangerous (and I have been a caregiver for over 20 years to parents and sibs) and I don’t want to provoke her further. It is the first time I have actually encountered someone who I thought was pathological.
Any advice appreciated.

There was a miserable nurse employed at my father's AL when he was dying and on hospice. Dad was comatose and obviously couldn't take pills. The hospice company had ordered liquid meds for him which hadn't arrived yet, so nurse Ratchet decided she'd force pills into his mouth and coax them down his throat instead! I was livid.....telling her to stop immediately, while she massaged his throat! I had it out with her right then and there, but she said it was no big deal, dad did just fine. I marched myself into the Executive Directors office and relayed the story to him of what had happened. I told him I never wanted that nurse to attend to dad again and that I felt she should be terminated. About 2 weeks later, I think she was because I never saw her again.

We should never stay quiet about such things. Nurses like these mentioned have no business working in the field and potentially killing or at least abusing patients like our fathers. Speak your truth about this incident and make sure this nurse never attends to your dad again.
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Wyfreak Jul 31, 2024
patient has right to refuse meds
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BelleAnnie.

I want to start by telling you how sorry I am that your poor father is being treated so badly by a nurse. I had a couple at the facility my father was in who behaved badly and very unprofessional. One in particular. Here is how I handled it.

First I made a call to my state's Ombudman's Office and told them what was going on and said it had to be investigated or I'd be forced to take matters into my own hands by involving the police and personal injury lawyers who specialize in elder abuse in nursing homes.

Your father is being abused by this nurse. So if I may speak plainly as I do, you have to put the fear of yourself and God into her. The same way I had to a couple of times. When she got into your father's bed on all fours and and in his face, you should have pulled your phone out and recorded it. Then you bring it to the police and the Ombudsman and you don't take no for an answer. Name this nurse personally. Set up cameras in his room where you can view the footage from your phone any time day or night. If the facility doesn't like it, TFB.

One nurse was getting aggressive with my father and being very rough forcing the meds in his mouth. He wasn't taking them fast enough. She thought they were alone until the door to the room shut because I was hiding behind it. With my phone and making a movie. I only had two words for this woman, 'smile, b*tch'. That footage went straight to the DON and the Ombudsman.

She was not allowed to care for my father for the rest of his stay in that facility. I moved him to a different facility. I did however make it my personal mission to get this nurse's license taken away or at least suspended. It finally happened two years after my father passed away. He wasn't the only patient she behaved that way to. It was my genuine pleasure to sit in the gallery at the licensing board (which is open to the public in my state) and watch her squirm and try to explain herself. I waved to her a couple times. She remembered me.

Elderly people can be abusive and get on a person's last nerve. No one knows that better than me. I was a homecare worker for 25 years. My father couldn't speak and was a bedridden invalid though. He was unable to behave abusively.

You need to make this nurse's life a living hell. You be relentless to the administration of the facility. Do not let up. Do not let them railroad you into backing down. Threaten with litigation if you have to. Then go straight to a lawyer. Don't let that nurse or the facility who employs her get away with it.

In the meantime, start looking at different facilities to place your father in.
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jemfleming Aug 1, 2024
Absolutely!! Evidence is key. You should have video recorded her little episode of getting in your father’s face. But no worries - you are sure to have other opportunities with this nurse. Document the date, time, and circumstances of that incident in a notebook and keep it the notebook up to date. You will forget dates and details unless you keep a book. Take photos of any injuries to your Dad. Research her background and any other complaints on her. She needs to be fired. But evidence is key - your word or your father’s word will not be enough alone. Once you have some good evidence, tag the administrators and supervision/management with what you have observed. Do it in writing - verbal conversations can easily be denied and are meaningless and ineffective. It makes my head explode when I hear people say “I told her” or “I made a phone call.” Unless you have a recording or you have it documented in writing you have exactly nothing! Conversations can and will be denied. But if they see you have actual evidence you will get their attention. Go to a lawyer and sue if you have a good case or report to law enforcement. I did investigations as a profession. Details and documentation are critical to making a case. Persistence is also an absolute necessity.
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Tell her if she ever treats your father like this again she will be hearing from your lawyer. (Even if you don’t have one). I’m a nurse and personally I would let the DON know you don’t want this nurse anywhere near him ever again
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Were it me I would speak with the administration. Tell them exactly what you have told us. If this woman is so inappropriate as to get on the bed on all fours to yell at your Dad she is out of control. I would not report further medical problems to her, but rather to the administration and I would tell them formally by mail that this will be the case. I would say I am afraid of her inappropriate behavior and I would tell them that you worry that her anger will cause her to retaliate against you. This cannot be the only problem with her; I think she may have a history.

So sorry this is happening and hope you will update us after speaking to the administration.
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Meet with the person in charge. Be careful to leave out all accusations and emotion. State facts as they have happened. Relate your dad’s confusion at the hostile behavior. Emphasize staff members who have been competent and compassionate in providing care as well.
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BelleAnnie Jul 26, 2024
Great advice. Thank you!
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Nurse may be suffering from burnout,
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JuliaH Jul 26, 2024
I was thinking that too. Everyone gets to that point but they have lots of people to care for. It could even be a case of the facility being understaffed. That's no excuse though
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This nurse is a abuser. Get advice from Dept of Elderly Affairs in your state.
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Speak to whomever is in charge of her. This sounds like bordering on abuse and should not be tolerated at all. You should not be in fear regarding his safety in a facility that is in charge of his care. She likely exhibits this behavior with other residents but you don't know if they have family as involved as you are regarding the care of their family member residing in the facility.

If you feel stonewalled within the facility there are outside agencies you can contact. Hopefully other knowledgeable posters will offer their seasoned advice. I hope you find a solution quickly.
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BelleAnnie Jul 26, 2024
Thanks for your answer. My concern is how to do this without provoking her further and perhaps risking additional retribution. I mean this sincerely. . . I think this woman could be potentially be malicious and I have warning bells going off to be careful. It’s not just as easy as moving him to another facility as he is getting over $2,000.00 assistance a month from the facility for his care ( a local church partners with them to help residents). It is a very fine facility and everyone is excellent, but this nurse in charge is a nightmare.
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Wow! You have me scared. Poor dad is so scared he's denying that he's in pain. I'd be up in the administration office in a heartbeat after she left the room! It could be she's been reprimanded before and of course, administration would keep the complaint confidential. She could be abusing lots of residents in retaliation. I hope you get her out of there. There should be someone else who can be assigned to dad other than her. I'm sorry for dad and you having to be treated like this.
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BurntCaregiver Jul 26, 2024
@JuliaH

What I did was get friendly with the family of other patients in the nursing home and the aide (CNA) staff. These are the people you want to be on the good side of. Also, you have to get your face seen all the time and at all different times. They need to know that they don't know when you'll be popping in.

It's a headgame with nursing home staff. You have to keep them on their toes. If you do, your loved one will get treated right,

I wanted eyes inside the facility my father was in, so I got friendly with the aides. Especially one who worked the same shift as this nurse. I told her if she looked out for my father and recorded any incidents with this nurse, I'd make it worth her while and I did.

You can never let the staff or administration of any care facility relax.
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I would start by requesting a meeting with the DON (Director of Nursing), the (ED) Executive Director for the facility and the Ombudsman. I am not sure what state you live in but in IL the Ombudsman representative information is posted prominently at the front desk or contact your state's department on aging.

If possible state facts and leave emotions in check (my major failing), What this nurse is doing is elder abuse, plain and simple and should not be allowed to continue.

Best wishes
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BelleAnnie Jul 26, 2024
I appreciate your reply and have already spoke. To the ED and will continue to pursue. Thank you.
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