She is in Stage 4 of Alzheimer's. She still has much of her faculties, but her memory test scores have declined since her diagnosis 2 yrs ago from a 24/30 to 18/30. The Dr. says she can't live by herself anymore, which we had already said, so against her wishes, we moved her in with my husband & I in September. She is insisting she is going home & threatens to call a taxi to take her. She is in complete denial (not just with Alz's, but with anything about her health). We do not yet have POA, but do have a letter from the doctor about her cognitive decline. She became more insistent & agitated last night about going home. We have not been able to deflect or distract her, since she still has some mental faculties. What would be best to do? Do we take her home until we get POA? Wouldn't that be neglect? Should we consider a memory facility at this point? We don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. TIA.
It took me a couple of weeks to finally nail down which home my own Mom was talking about. Once she mentioned a key word "cattle" then I knew it was her childhood home from 80 years ago as her parents ran a diary farm.
As for your Mom appointing, reading and signing legal documents, is there a point in the day when Mom appears to be in the here and now? If yes, then set an appointment with an Elder Law attorney for that time frame. If the Attorney feels your Mom just doesn't understand the legal document, he/she will not allow Mom to sign, so don't be surprised if that happens.
No easy answer for the go home stuff. Maybe her doc could prescribe a calming med.
If your mother is in Stage 4 she is probably still competent to sign POAs and advance directives. Do you have a lawyer friend she trusts who will come by the house to get these things done? Our parents can be more cooperative with someone from outside the family than with their children. I doubt my mother would have ever worked with me on the POA, but she would work with her lawyer friend. (Alas, her POA choice made no sense, but I let that go.)
If it's available, I think it might be a good idea to get her admitted to a memory care facility for assessment. Also, check there isn't a u.t.i. if you haven't already done so, and speak to her or your doctor to see if they can make any practical suggestions.
You *could* think about taking her back to her house and staying with her for a very short while, if absolutely necessary. But you can't leave her there alone, and even if it does calm her it isn't going to be the solution for long.
Did she agree to move in with you? Was she clear at the time about the plan being long-term?
Is her doctor one who regularly treats dementia patients? My LO's doctor wrote an order that she enter a Secure Memory Care, due to her significant dementia and wandering. But, I also had DPOA and HCPOA. Not sure how it works if you don't. It may be that court options are more appropriate. The attorney would be able to provide you with that info.
So the fury and denial are signs of a person still battling to be "normal", but the doctor may be experienced enough to see that the possibility for her to live at home alone 24/7 is past.
Try distraction if she really gets moody. Also, you can put up a notice of a false taxi number for her to call, or warn any local taxi company to refuse to send any taxi to your address unless the booking is made from your mobile or your husband's mobile number.
My own Alzheimer's friend took a long time to accept that she no longer needed money for a taxi fare home in her wallet. (In fact her old home is literally around the corner from her current nursing home, but exit from this building is prohibited for residents in mental care.)
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