When I was younger my mother made me pay rent. I was paying 50$ a week 30+ years ago. And my first apartment was only 275$ a month. She is now 72 and lives with me and been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. And dementia. I helped her sell her condo. She paid off her car. She has no bills except for insurance. I've even been paying her phone bill because she doesn't have a debit or credit card. I buy all the groceries and only eat about 1/4 of them because I'm usually doing something and eat out most of the time. I pay all the utilities. I take her to all of her Dr appointments. I get no help from an older brother and younger sister. I work 12 hrs shifts that switch between days and nights every 2 weeks and still take her to appointments. I'm remodeling a bathroom for her and just for her. I didn't need to do anything to it before I'm just trying to make it more user friendly for her. She gets just under $3000 a month in retirement. And gives me nothing. She has been living with me for about a year and the only contribution she's maid is 50$ towards a Christmas dinner. Am I justified in feeling like she needs to pay me something? Before she became ill she would most likely have offered something for staying there. Its just that I'm getting into savings to fix up my home to more user friendly for her. None of the stuff I'm doing needed done. I even bought a hospital bed for her.
Mother: "ok."
Allen: "Mother, you know i love you, that's why I moved you here to live with me so I can look after you. And I've been paying all the expenses (list out all or some of the things you pay for her), but I can't afford to keep doing it. I need you to help me pay for your own expenses and a small amount of rent."
Mother: "But you're working and making money."
Allen: "Yes, I do. And since I am paying everything around here, I have little to nothing set aside for my own retirement. I need to make sure i have enough savings to live on when I stop working. So, I need your help. I need you to pay me a small amount of rent and your own expenses."
Mother: "But I'm your mother."
Allen: "Yes, And I am your son. You're making your son pay everything for you even though you have money. You're costing me my own retirement."
Mother: "But when I die, I'll leave you all the money I have."
Allen: "Mother, I'd rather you use your money on yourself now. Don't save it for me. It's your money, use it for your own care now. That's what it's for, not my inheritance."
Allen, I hope some of these lines can be useful to you or give you a starting point. Good luck.
The advantages of charging rent are many. 1) She does not sound particularly helpful, so I think it would be useful to have a method of eviction in case you can't take it anymore. Seriously. 2) depending on how much money she has, charges against her income could help her become eligible for Medicaid assistance since she can only spend on approved expenditures and can't gift 5 years previous. There are more you CPA can tell you.
What are your plans for when she needs caretaking while you are at work?
Does she have a will, DPOA, Living will ( health directive)?
If she is needy enough to be living with someone then all those documents need to be inplace. You can’t do these things retroactively and since she has dementia she will lose the ability to make competent decisions. The attorney will explain to her (and you) how to set her affairs up so that it’s fair to you and her and to where she can get Medicaid if and when the time comes that she should need it.
I have not asked for other expenses but I should!
When I had bars installed in my bathroom she paid for it.
Come up with a price that you feel is fair. Good luck to you.
Mom grew up in the depression, born in 1925. They had to be frugal so I think it’s hard for some elderly people to spend money.
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