When I was younger my mother made me pay rent. I was paying 50$ a week 30+ years ago. And my first apartment was only 275$ a month. She is now 72 and lives with me and been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. And dementia. I helped her sell her condo. She paid off her car. She has no bills except for insurance. I've even been paying her phone bill because she doesn't have a debit or credit card. I buy all the groceries and only eat about 1/4 of them because I'm usually doing something and eat out most of the time. I pay all the utilities. I take her to all of her Dr appointments. I get no help from an older brother and younger sister. I work 12 hrs shifts that switch between days and nights every 2 weeks and still take her to appointments. I'm remodeling a bathroom for her and just for her. I didn't need to do anything to it before I'm just trying to make it more user friendly for her. She gets just under $3000 a month in retirement. And gives me nothing. She has been living with me for about a year and the only contribution she's maid is 50$ towards a Christmas dinner. Am I justified in feeling like she needs to pay me something? Before she became ill she would most likely have offered something for staying there. Its just that I'm getting into savings to fix up my home to more user friendly for her. None of the stuff I'm doing needed done. I even bought a hospital bed for her.
On the other hand she has an income and should be paying her own way. I would expect her to pay for all of her own stuff if she is able to do so. That is an entirely different thing than rent. She should pay for her groceries, hygiene items, clothing, phone, gas for the car used to take her places, etc etc. If she doesn't have a debit card and you should go to the bank and help her get one. If she doesn't want one then you can get her a prepaid debit card in her name and then transfer money onto it from her account, as needed, to pay for her things. Since she has an income of 36,000 a year it's unlikely you can claim her as a dependent but it wouldn't hurt to ask a CPA about that.
Brothers are supportive but live too far away to help. GTG. Off to cut her grass. I know. I need a reality check.
Hope this helps
Blessings
hgnhgn
My long answer - When my mom moved in with me 10 years ago she insisted she pay a small amount of "rent" each month. I realized she needed to contribute and feel like she was carrying her own weight so I said yes. I paid everything else. The phone I had installed for her, the satellite TV that she watched all day, the utilities, her clothes, the personal items...the list goes on. Eventually she needed a full time caregiver when I was at work. Mom only gets Social Security and nothing else. She had a tiny bit saved up during the time she was living with me and then we had to use it up for a caregiver for her and now she is on Medicaid. You can bet during the time I was having to spend her savings I was wishing I had let her pay for more things instead of taking care of it all for her. Having said that, I'm grateful she had the money there to pay for the caregiving she needed.
Take your doing with the sense that the good you are doing will bring rich blessings into your life. You are improving the value of your house with that bathroom. You will need it one day yourself or, you will sell your property one day to someone who needs that exact bathroom set up.
What if you wanted to do it for her, but did not have the money to do it and had no means? How would that make you feel?
Your 12 hour shifts are your everyday vacation. Enjoy your days at work helping others. Going to work is an independence we don't appreciate until we do not have a much needed job.
I have taxes to pay on the house. Any repairs that are needed I take care of. I charge her $750. a month. I could easily get twice that amount if I were to open it up to strangers.
I have no problem charging her rent! She is safe. And she loves her independence.
If she has savings, those saving should have been used to make your bathroom more elder friendly, not YOUR money.
An elder care attorney may be helpful in guiding you on how to use her own money to care for her.
With that said. It is not wise to hold a grudge against your brother for not being the caregiver, if it was your choice to be the caregiver.
The elder care attorney can also discuss options such as assisted living that your mother will pay for out of her benefits or income.
With my clients I find that a lot of disagreements arise when one child wants to put mom in a professional facility and the other sibling wants to care for the parent at home.
If mom is in a facility, it will be her money that will be used. Not yours.
Back to your mom charge her rent and keep good records of the transactions.
Also, if you can get them to spend a week at your house taking care of her while you go out of town (even if your brother and sister come the same week and share the responsibility), it will give them a whole new perspective on how much you do for your mom. My brother and his wife came for a week (more than once), and when we returned home, he always exclaimed, "Thank you so much for taking care of Mom. I don't know how you do it! This is a lot of WORK and it's so confining and sometimes it gets on my nerves!"
My mom lived with us for 14 years, and this is how we shared expenses. (Her income was close to $2000 a month.) We did not charge her rent. But we asked her to pay her part of the utilities. We added up the cost of electric, water, sewer, trash pickup, cable TV, phone, plus property tax. Then we divided by 4 (since my husband, my son, and I also lived in the house). Then we added one tank of gas (for the car) a month (to help pay for all the trips to the doctors' offices and tolls along the way). Her payment was close to $400 a month.
She had her own kitchen, so she bought and cooked her own food. She said (with glee) that she had more disposable income than she had ever had in her entire life, plus she didn't have to worry about maintaining the house or the yard. She said these were the happiest years of her life. (Every year, she gave us an additional $1500 for repairs and maintenance of the house.)
When her Alzheimer's got too bad for us to handle at home, she went into a memory care facility and blew through her savings quickly. Thankfully, she was there only six months before she passed. We kept her home as long as physically possible.
God bless you for caring for your mom. It isn't easy, but I've never heard anyone look back and say, "I wish we hadn't done so much for Mom."
This is just my opinion.
😄
The answer is yes. The real question is how much.
check out the local rental rates on a studio apartment and charge her something approaching that. Then, split the utility bills (including cell phone) 50/50. As for food, I would split that 50/50, too, just to avoid an ugly discussion about it. If she objects to any of this, simply offer to help her find an apartment. Explain patiently an unemotionally that you cannot support while you are saving for your own retirement.
Best regards,