My mother has not been diagnosed with dementia but has severe short term memory loss. She gave out her debit card number (and denied it) to several unscrupulous individuals. So I (on the account with her) had to have it replaced and hid it. I got her a reloadable card thinking that with a wide variety of restrictions that I can place that it would be safe. Yet somehow they’ve gotten ahold of the number and the same couple of companies managed to try every category (all declined) until they found the one I was allowing for her. She hadn’t had it three weeks and already I have to replace it. Should I just take it too and have her let me know when she needs it physically?
When my Dad was experiencing some memory loss, I made sure his credit card had a very low usable limit. Example, limit of $200. He rarely used his card, only when he and his caregiver would go to Burger King for fun every few weeks.
Otherwise, my Dad was happy carrying $25 in cash. Anything my Dad needed, I would buy for him and I was reimbursed out of his joint-checking account which had my name. I made sure I kept receipts with copies of the check in a 3-ring binder.
I finally looked into and added blocks at certain times on her card. Added daily limits and such. My problem is the bank info is somehow one of the things she can recite backwards and forwards aside from her dementia. My fear is her calling the bank, getting a new card sent and me having to start all over again. My mom cannot manage her income, bills or anything health related. She’s completely lost that. I am not on her accts at all but I have card info both banking and EBT food related. I have a monthly budget I fill out, send to all 3 siblings for full transparency and print it out for her just so she sees what I’m doing. I pay all her bills on the 4th of the month then give her a balance. I really rambled but I guess it’s that once you take over the banking you’re able to see the good & the bad.
Hide her other cards too like S.S., DL/ID and medical cards. I've caught my wife several times with all those cards out on a table talking to a telemarketer. Finally after several years of telling her not to talk to strangers on the phone, she complies with it for the most part.
I hope your mother with dementia isn't still living alone because that will be the bigger problem here.
Don't let her have credit/debit cards or a checkbook anymore. Small amounts of cash only and only let her have that if she's being supervised spending it.
ues
shes a target now for unscrupulous low lifes
tell her you will order anything she needs -just put it in a list and maybe give her a little book and pen
there are some real gutter low life’s out there - hope u filed a police report
If it is your mum's actions that have caused her to lose money, then you need to take her to a doctor and get a diagnosis.
Before that, however, persuade your mum to make you POA. She cannot assign anyone if she doesn't have capacity. Then, get the diagnosis. You want to protect yourself from being accused of abuse, as well as protecting your mum from fraudulent people.
If you are not POA, arrange for an eldercare lawyer to take care of this task ASAP.
My mother lost her debit card so many times I got a card holder with two sides. Her ID/SS card/Medicare card and Bank Debit card are on one side, and mine are on the other. The cardholder lives in my purse so we always know where her important cards are and she has access through me at all times. This way I make certain cards are returned to our safe place.
We gave my FIL cash for his wallet .
Even though she has not been diagnosed with dementia she does not sound like she is safe to 1)Live alone 2) be in control of her own finances. Are bills getting paid on time? Or are you managing them?
If you are doing all this for your mom you are "propping her up" and if she thinks she is living independently she is fooling herself.
Groceries can be ordered on line and delivered. She does not need to go to the store unattended. If she needs some cash to have on hand give her a minimal amount, in small bills.
But this needs to be addressed.
doesn't make any sense.
[It shows that you do not understand how her brain is ABLE to process incoming information. Whether or not she is medically diagnosed doesn't mean she doesn't have cognitive decline-she does.]
Your mother will continue to do the same. She doesn't have the cognitive abilities (at this point) to be aware of security measures. So... it doesn't matter when you give her the card, what matters is that you understand WHY NOT to give her the card. More than that:
* She should not be going to any retailer - or be in any potential situation - where she is involved with exchanging her personal information to 'pay for' anything.
* Her behavior will start to (if not already) move into areas of personal security ... a person seeing a vulnerable woman on the street(s) by herself ... someone following her home offering to 'help her." Befriending her and getting into her apartment... you do not know.
She cannot be alone anymore when outside / potentially / interacting with others. Perhaps some of this behavior is also showing up in her home indicating she is unable to care for her own welfare.
Google / read TEEPA SNOW or others who are experts in dementia. Buy books, watch You Tubes, do Teepa's online webinars. Don't 'wait' until there is an official dementia diagnosis. Prepare yourself for what is happening now (i.e., the brain IS CHANGING; her cognitive abilities have declined).
Get a caregiver in.
She should not be living alone (is she)?
Keep (track) a journal documenting her behavior - behavior changes/situations causing you concern. These records are useful for medical provider to assess how she is changing. [I've always offered this to family members of my clients - tracking behavioral changes - which can then be offered to a medical provider).
Finally, I feel compassion for you going through this 'slow' process of decline with your mother. It is hard emotionally and psychologically, if not mentally and physically. Be aware of your own 'denial mechanisms' in place (not wanting to see what is happening as it is painful, difficult for you to process, accept).
The ultimate goal is to keep her safe, and protect her personal assets.
If you feel it could help you, hire a medical social worker or someone who is astute in these matters (more than a caregiver generally speaking) - someone who understands the science of how the mind changes and how to make necessary adjustments in day-to-day life - a professional outside observer like a medical social worker.
Gena / Touch Matters