When my mom died under Hospice care, the nurse came out and declared/called it, so I could then contact the cremation service. Since my mom's death last December, my dad's health is declining fast. He isn't in Hospice care and I don't know who I'd call if he gets his wish and dies at home in his sleep. Seems like calling 911, with all the folks they send out, isn't warranted if he's already gone. As an aside, he does have a DNR. Even with Google, I can't figure it out. Please advise and thanks.
It was great for mthr to have hospice to call first when she fell instead of rushing to the ER to see if she had a brain bleed. If we made the decision to keep her home on our own, and she had the brain bleed and died in her bed, then there would have been an examination, head trauma would have been noticed, an autopsy performed, and then an investigation into why she was not taken in (negligence on caregivers) or was there elder abuse (active abuse). Neither of those are what you want to face when you are grieving a loved one and want to get everything tied up.
Hospices can provide palliative care as well which has a cost - it is my understanding that Medicare covers hospice 100% but not palliative care. With hospice someone has to be at home with the patient at all times, but with palliative care, the rule differ.
They could probably offer suggestions on how best to approach the situation, since they're familiar with your particular area.
None of my family died at home, so I have no recent experience in this aspect of caregiving.
This is a sad situation, having lost your mother so recently, and now facing your father's apparent imminently close passing as well.
I respect your attempt to honor his wishes; my father also planned to die at home, but his last illness was too intense for home care. I was fortunate to find a compassionate multi-level facility where he spent his last days, warm, cared for well beyond any level I could handle, even with the nominal assistance of hospice.
I still regret that I couldn't honor that last wish but I know in my heart that he couldn't possibly have gotten the care he got with a group of people trained to provide various levels of care. Had I kept him at home, I know that I would still be battling recriminations for not providing the level of care I thought best for him.
Still, this is his wish, and you're considerate to try to honor it.
You have total control on the treatment plan while on hospice. I just could not take mom to the doctor anymore so this is how I dealt with this, even though old age and Alzheimer's are terminal conditions.
Hospice as in home clinic, love it!
He could be eligible for hospice or not, Medicare covers this service 100%. So he would not have any fees.
Can I recommend interviewing several hospice providers and find one that fits your needs and has a business model that you like, they are not all created equal. If you hire one and you decide that they are not a good fit, you can fire them and bring a different one in.
They helped all of us when my 52 year old sister was dying of cancer and refused any treatment. They helped us understand what was going on, what would most likely happen next and they treated her painful bedsores so she didn't suffer from those. She couldn't move because her back was broken from the cancer eating her spine away. I have been told that they are a sign of impending death and that they are painful when untreated.
I hope you find the perfect solution to your situation.
If your dad goes on hospice, which would be palliative care at this point, no one will know if and when he passes. The mortuary isn’t going to roll up to the house with a hearse. When my MIL passed, they came in a minivan that was backed in to the garage. Totally discreet and dignified.
While I am never stoked to have the cavalry come to my house, I live next door to a long term care facility and that side show occurs about once a week.
I appreciate all the great information and insights I've received so far, and think that in the foreseeable future, having Hospice come a couple times a week to just take vitals, is not a bad idea.
When my father-in-law passed, only a deputy came out & then the funeral home was contacted ( it was the middle of the night) & they sent a couple of people to get the body. When my good friend passed, dispatch sent the EMTs ( in our area the firefighters are trained EMTs) & 2 deputies. One of the deputies called the morgue to come for her body.
In one of the larger cities I imagine it is still handled pretty much the same.
Thanks to all of your great advice, I signed my dad up for Hospice today.
I appreciate the benefit of your collective wisdom, and the time you took to share it with me. Grateful and humbled,
R27