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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I would like to add that respite points throughout each day are life savers. You do not have to live your life around your person’s every need. Some things can wait. There are various ways to make space for yourself throughout the day. Make sure you have a lovely place to sit close to where she spends most of her time. I have a rocker, book shelf, foot stool, so many flowers out the patio door which is two feet away that I feel I am in a flower shop…I bought them small and keep them watered. I keep fresh air flowing in by opening patio door and fans, I keep my knitting and writing close by. Be sure to keep ready to eat meals that you buy or make so you can just pop them into the microwave for her. Don’t take what they say to heart. They won’t remember it later and it comes from a deteriorating brain. Keep favorite treats at hand. Get a cheap little echo dot or other easy player and you just say, I want to listen to NPR news, or slow jazz, or Irish hymns. Use all the gadgets they sell. Monitors the buzz when she is trying to get up, etc. My mother likes the same thing for breakfast every day and I quit trying to make her “special” things…she does not remember what she eats 2 min afterwards. I make sure we have plants of clothes, sheets, required/necessary items so I don’t have to worry about that. I am in a senior building. If in need of friends, I put in some cookies to bake, open the door and put up a sign “come in and share hot cookies from the oven.” Order what you need from Amazon do everything you can on line. Free yourself, for yourself. Find those things that bind you that you can change and do it. My husband vacuums, does laundry, unloads dishes etc. The only thing we agree he won’t do is cook. Yes you need to a whole day sometimes but often you just need your day back…and that is so much more possible than you might think.
Thank you for that reply. It sounds like you have it down. I am dealing with my husband’s dementia, too and he is a challenge. Trying to learn as much as I can to survive.
Well if you can't do anything but worry while you're out and about then perhaps "respite" isn't for you. But for all the other caregivers that I know including myself, respite was/is of utmost importance, as we understood/understand the importance of self care and that we matter too in the equation. And sometimes respite is just getting away for few hours to get a mani/pedi or going to the grocery store or to church or lunch with friends. Just anything to get away from the hardest job there is and that is caregiving. It doesn't have to be a few days or a week, but whatever is best for you and the one that you're caring for. Trust me when I tell you that you will know if and when you need to get away for longer than just a few hours here and there. And remember that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair on your front porch. It gives you something to do, but it gets you absolutely nowhere. So please take care of yourself in whatever ways you can, so you're not in the statistic of 40% of caregivers dying before the one they're caring for from stress related issues.
No situation is the same. Most caregivers have more stress than you seem to be having.
I think with most people, its not the actual work as you say, but often dealing with difficult personalities. (in my case, my mom is difficult, there is no way I could be difficult)
That said, while you may not have much of a need for one, you may still need one just as people who are happy in their jobs need a vacation now and then
It’s the personalities that can make it impossible sometimes . Refusing to believe they need help , manipulation , guilt trips etc . 3 out of 4 of our parents ( hubs and me ) very difficult . We are on the last ( difficult ) one . She may prove to be the worst of the lot . Cooperation would go a long way .
If you get to the point you really need respite , it is wise for your own health . Your health matters too and respite can help you to continue caregiving (if that’s what you want) .
We send our kids to school , there is always some worry . But we aren’t with them 24/7 . It’s rare to be 24/7 as a caregiver without it eventually taking a toll and caregiver needing respite .
It doesn’t hurt to leave respite as an option in the future . Never say never .
There is a difference between having a caregiver for a few hours (I would not call that Respite.) and having Respite where you do not have to do any caregiving duties for a week so you actually get a break. Burn out is real. This is one of the reasons that people take vacations from their jobs.
I think what YOU personally need is as individual as your own fingerprint. It is up to YOU to decide. None of us can know the circumstances, how easy or hard your daily life is, how much personal time you can cut for yourself or how much personal time you even need. This is all up to the individual. I think when we are honest with ourselves we know what we need, know when we waited too long to address it, know when we are OK, basically.
Being able to run errands, get a haircut and manicure is of course respite care, but are there other things you enjoy? My respite care was my husband’s four hours in dialysis three times a week and it saved me. I was able to go to my appointments, see friends regularly, go to the gym, find support for myself, etc, which then enabled me to be a better caregiver. I knew he was in good hands, and I made the conscious decision to not worry about him when I was out(which I realize may be easier said than done).
What exactly will your constant worry fix or change? Honest question. You need respite for your own health. Everyone needs and deserves time away. It’s why the forty hour work week was implemented. None of us are Superman or woman, nor do we need to attempt to be. Enjoy a mental and emotional break, think on other things, be refreshed, accept that worrying changes nothing. I wish you peace
If you have a really good caregiver that you trust your loved one with, then you won't worry when you are gone. At first I felt the same way - I worried. Worried my husband wouldn't get the attention he deserved or that the worker would be on the phone or watching TV; worring that I had to be out of the home or the Respite worker would want to leave early, especially if my husband took a nap. But then I got a wonderfully attentive worker who interacted with my husband and attended to his needs. I could take a nap, pay bills, go out, or just relax and read. And it is marvelous. I didn't know how much I needed the break until I got a worker I trusted would care for him and I could truly relax. Please don't sell yourself short. If you worry when gone, please figure out why and address it with the worker or the agency.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But for all the other caregivers that I know including myself, respite was/is of utmost importance, as we understood/understand the importance of self care and that we matter too in the equation.
And sometimes respite is just getting away for few hours to get a mani/pedi or going to the grocery store or to church or lunch with friends. Just anything to get away from the hardest job there is and that is caregiving.
It doesn't have to be a few days or a week, but whatever is best for you and the one that you're caring for.
Trust me when I tell you that you will know if and when you need to get away for longer than just a few hours here and there.
And remember that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair on your front porch. It gives you something to do, but it gets you absolutely nowhere.
So please take care of yourself in whatever ways you can, so you're not in the statistic of 40% of caregivers dying before the one they're caring for from stress related issues.
I think with most people, its not the actual work as you say, but often dealing with difficult personalities. (in my case, my mom is difficult, there is no way I could be difficult)
That said, while you may not have much of a need for one, you may still need one just as people who are happy in their jobs need a vacation now and then
It’s the personalities that can make it impossible sometimes .
Refusing to believe they need help , manipulation , guilt trips etc .
3 out of 4 of our parents ( hubs and me ) very difficult . We are on the last ( difficult ) one . She may prove to be the worst of the lot . Cooperation would go a long way .
We send our kids to school , there is always some worry . But we aren’t with them 24/7 . It’s rare to be 24/7 as a caregiver without it eventually taking a toll and caregiver needing respite .
It doesn’t hurt to leave respite as an option in the future . Never say never .
Good Luck .
Burn out is real.
This is one of the reasons that people take vacations from their jobs.