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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Well if you can't do anything but worry while you're out and about then perhaps "respite" isn't for you. But for all the other caregivers that I know including myself, respite was/is of utmost importance, as we understood/understand the importance of self care and that we matter too in the equation. And sometimes respite is just getting away for few hours to get a mani/pedi or going to the grocery store or to church or lunch with friends. Just anything to get away from the hardest job there is and that is caregiving. It doesn't have to be a few days or a week, but whatever is best for you and the one that you're caring for. Trust me when I tell you that you will know if and when you need to get away for longer than just a few hours here and there. And remember that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair on your front porch. It gives you something to do, but it gets you absolutely nowhere. So please take care of yourself in whatever ways you can, so you're not in the statistic of 40% of caregivers dying before the one they're caring for from stress related issues.
First you have to stop worrying about everything. Statistically, most things we worry about never happen. But in caregiving anything can happen and likely will happen.
If you get to the point you really need respite , it is wise for your own health . Your health matters too and respite can help you to continue caregiving (if that’s what you want) .
We send our kids to school , there is always some worry . But we aren’t with them 24/7 . It’s rare to be 24/7 as a caregiver without it eventually taking a toll and caregiver needing respite .
It doesn’t hurt to leave respite as an option in the future . Never say never .
I think what YOU personally need is as individual as your own fingerprint. It is up to YOU to decide. None of us can know the circumstances, how easy or hard your daily life is, how much personal time you can cut for yourself or how much personal time you even need. This is all up to the individual. I think when we are honest with ourselves we know what we need, know when we waited too long to address it, know when we are OK, basically.
Even full time jobs only require 40 hour work weeks for most, and an hour lunch with a couple of 15 minute breaks thrown in. And 2 days off per week are given. In Europe and Australia, they feel sorry for the poor Americans who get a lousy 2 weeks vacation a year vs the 6 weeks or more they get. Yet you have no issue working 24/7/365 doing hands on caregiving which is physical, mental and emotional work? With a hour or 2 off here and there?
If you enjoy your job, don't take any respite. If the day comes when you no longer ask the question "why do I need respite?", then you'll know exactly why you need it and you'll choose to take it.
Being able to run errands, get a haircut and manicure is of course respite care, but are there other things you enjoy? My respite care was my husband’s four hours in dialysis three times a week and it saved me. I was able to go to my appointments, see friends regularly, go to the gym, find support for myself, etc, which then enabled me to be a better caregiver. I knew he was in good hands, and I made the conscious decision to not worry about him when I was out(which I realize may be easier said than done).
Everyone’s different sone people like my sister thrive on being busy and organising things but even her ( and she is Amazing) showed signs eventually of getting tired. Sometimes we don’t realise like in a job a break is just plain healthy it allows us to function at our best and maintain our health My sister refused and I forced the rest on her and afterwards she said how much she enjoyed the break and was raring to go again it’s also good to look after your health - if you were to be one poorly your support would have to stop - so you need to be fit as well As for worrying - it takes practice - make a call end of day to check in - make a 5 min call beginning of day to check in as well if u want - but try and get some rest. Your body will thank you
As others have mentioned, it’s an individual decision. I’ll just share some insight. My husband and I took care of my mom when she had Alzheimer’s, I checked into the local Assisted Living facility, in case her needs became greater than what we could handle here. Throughout the conversation, the administrator said that if my mom went on home hospice in the future, they could provide respite care, so I could get a few days here and there (within a specific time period), where I wouldn’t be responsible for her care. He said if it was an emergency, I could request more time. I told him it would never be an emergency, and he said, “The way you sound, it was an emergency yesterday.” That comment was repeated to me at a hospice facility, where I was inquiring about their services, should they be needed. Sometimes we’re unaware of our stress, which can be as detrimental as being overwhelmed by it. I found writing therapeutic, so I wrote a book chronicling our caregiving journey called “My Mother Has Alzheimer’s and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver’s Tale.” Writing was one way to relieve stress, and if you need it, respite is another. Good luck with whatever you choose.
I would like to add that respite points throughout each day are life savers. You do not have to live your life around your person’s every need. Some things can wait. There are various ways to make space for yourself throughout the day. Make sure you have a lovely place to sit close to where she spends most of her time. I have a rocker, book shelf, foot stool, so many flowers out the patio door which is two feet away that I feel I am in a flower shop…I bought them small and keep them watered. I keep fresh air flowing in by opening patio door and fans, I keep my knitting and writing close by. Be sure to keep ready to eat meals that you buy or make so you can just pop them into the microwave for her. Don’t take what they say to heart. They won’t remember it later and it comes from a deteriorating brain. Keep favorite treats at hand. Get a cheap little echo dot or other easy player and you just say, I want to listen to NPR news, or slow jazz, or Irish hymns. Use all the gadgets they sell. Monitors the buzz when she is trying to get up, etc. My mother likes the same thing for breakfast every day and I quit trying to make her “special” things…she does not remember what she eats 2 min afterwards. I make sure we have plants of clothes, sheets, required/necessary items so I don’t have to worry about that. I am in a senior building. If in need of friends, I put in some cookies to bake, open the door and put up a sign “come in and share hot cookies from the oven.” Order what you need from Amazon do everything you can on line. Free yourself, for yourself. Find those things that bind you that you can change and do it. My husband vacuums, does laundry, unloads dishes etc. The only thing we agree he won’t do is cook. Yes you need to a whole day sometimes but often you just need your day back…and that is so much more possible than you might think.
Thank you for that reply. It sounds like you have it down. I am dealing with my husband’s dementia, too and he is a challenge. Trying to learn as much as I can to survive.
I used to think that, here I am 12 years later, I kid you not. What if you get sick? You can find a "day" respite program as I did a few years' ago. It was just 4 hours per week but it worked out just fine. I could get the oil changed on the car, teeth cleaned, etc. When flu season hit, I pulled Mom out right away, it served its purpose.
Some have p/t, o/t, a nurse on duty, meals, exercise and transportation to and from . The one I chose was on the water. I told Mom you wanted a house on the water, this is the best I could do!
Researchers found that, all other things being equal, caregivers have a 63% higher mortality rate. What if you get sick and can’t take care of your love one? Life (and death) happens.
No situation is the same. Most caregivers have more stress than you seem to be having.
I think with most people, its not the actual work as you say, but often dealing with difficult personalities. (in my case, my mom is difficult, there is no way I could be difficult)
That said, while you may not have much of a need for one, you may still need one just as people who are happy in their jobs need a vacation now and then
It’s the personalities that can make it impossible sometimes . Refusing to believe they need help , manipulation , guilt trips etc . 3 out of 4 of our parents ( hubs and me ) very difficult . We are on the last ( difficult ) one . She may prove to be the worst of the lot . Cooperation would go a long way .
What exactly will your constant worry fix or change? Honest question. You need respite for your own health. Everyone needs and deserves time away. It’s why the forty hour work week was implemented. None of us are Superman or woman, nor do we need to attempt to be. Enjoy a mental and emotional break, think on other things, be refreshed, accept that worrying changes nothing. I wish you peace
It is a national statistic and it comes from the Surgeon General's Office of the United states (I don't remember which one).
A top cause of caregiver death is suicide. Especially when you're the sole caregiver to an elder or handicapped person with a difficult personality.
Believe me, caregiving is miserable, back-breaking work that is not the "rewarding" experience people who haven't done it think it is. I did it for 25 years as a job. I went home at night and had a life outside the job. This was not so when I got roped into being a family caregiver for my mother who I never got along with. That almost killed me.
Being stuck in a caregiving situation often causes depression and hopelessness because one miserable, drudgery-filled, laborious day follows another. That hopelessness leads to unhealthy behaviors like over-eating, abusing alcohol, drugs, or both and many other dangerous behaviors. This can lead to heart disease and other illnesses. Now factor in the caregiver will ignore their own health and healthcare because their care recipient's appointments and needs have to come first. So this leads to lack of healthcare, life-saving screenings, and disease preventions.
This is why caregivers so often die first. The bottomless pit of endless neediness takes them for its own.
If you don't think you need respite care then you don't need it. Why are you even asking the question? You've obviously answered it for yourself already.
It sounds like there's something lacking in the caregiver's quality of Respite received if all she does is worry when gone. Sounds like she would benefit if this was addressed.
There is a difference between having a caregiver for a few hours (I would not call that Respite.) and having Respite where you do not have to do any caregiving duties for a week so you actually get a break. Burn out is real. This is one of the reasons that people take vacations from their jobs.
It’s all according to what are your caregiving duties? Do you have to transfer with a lift machine? Change diapers? Dodge punches? Are you a baby boomer? You don’t give enough information about your situation. I believe if you have all of the above duties, like I’ve done on a daily basis..you would need a break. Give us more information please. Hugs 🤗
If you have a really good caregiver that you trust your loved one with, then you won't worry when you are gone. At first I felt the same way - I worried. Worried my husband wouldn't get the attention he deserved or that the worker would be on the phone or watching TV; worring that I had to be out of the home or the Respite worker would want to leave early, especially if my husband took a nap. But then I got a wonderfully attentive worker who interacted with my husband and attended to his needs. I could take a nap, pay bills, go out, or just relax and read. And it is marvelous. I didn't know how much I needed the break until I got a worker I trusted would care for him and I could truly relax. Please don't sell yourself short. If you worry when gone, please figure out why and address it with the worker or the agency.
Sometimes we need respite sometimes we want it to do some fun things. I used to worry about everything! Now I decided what will be will be. Chances are something may happen while I am out. Bigger probability something will happen while I am not.
Worrying while you're gone will make you ill in the end.You need to learn how to switch off. If you don't, you'll burn out.
Also, if you're not to die before the person who you're looking after, you will need to know how to live when you are no longer a caregiver.
Lastly, you can't wrap your loved one in cotton wool. You cannot prevent any harm befalling them because you are just one person. You are human and not all powerful.
You need rest and you need to not lose yourself by becoming subsumed beneath the life, the wants and needs, of the person who you are caring for.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But for all the other caregivers that I know including myself, respite was/is of utmost importance, as we understood/understand the importance of self care and that we matter too in the equation.
And sometimes respite is just getting away for few hours to get a mani/pedi or going to the grocery store or to church or lunch with friends. Just anything to get away from the hardest job there is and that is caregiving.
It doesn't have to be a few days or a week, but whatever is best for you and the one that you're caring for.
Trust me when I tell you that you will know if and when you need to get away for longer than just a few hours here and there.
And remember that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair on your front porch. It gives you something to do, but it gets you absolutely nowhere.
So please take care of yourself in whatever ways you can, so you're not in the statistic of 40% of caregivers dying before the one they're caring for from stress related issues.
Statistically, most things we worry about never happen.
But in caregiving anything can happen and likely will happen.
We send our kids to school , there is always some worry . But we aren’t with them 24/7 . It’s rare to be 24/7 as a caregiver without it eventually taking a toll and caregiver needing respite .
It doesn’t hurt to leave respite as an option in the future . Never say never .
Good Luck .
It sounds like you really do need to practice getting out , and letting go of what's going on at home.
Every time you leave you have to shut the door behind you and just breathe.
This constant worry is horrible for your health, what good are you going to be for your loved one if your ill,
If you have to do little steps, go for a walk and practice mindfulness, just be in the moment.
You deserve a break from the stress!!
If you enjoy your job, don't take any respite. If the day comes when you no longer ask the question "why do I need respite?", then you'll know exactly why you need it and you'll choose to take it.
sone people like my sister thrive on being busy and organising things
but even her ( and she is Amazing) showed signs eventually of getting tired. Sometimes we don’t realise like in a job a break is just plain healthy
it allows us to function at our best and maintain our health
My sister refused and I forced the rest on her and afterwards she said how much she enjoyed the break and was raring to go again
it’s also good to look after your health - if you were to be one poorly your support would have to stop - so you need to be fit as well
As for worrying - it takes practice -
make a call end of day to check in -
make a 5 min call beginning of day to check in as well if u want - but try and get some rest. Your body will thank you
You are an adult, and I trust you to be capable in judging whether or not you require such a thing.
I used to think that, here I am 12 years later, I kid you not. What if you get sick?
You can find a "day" respite program as I did a few years' ago. It was just 4 hours per week but it worked out just fine. I could get the oil changed on the car, teeth cleaned, etc. When flu season hit, I pulled Mom out right away, it served its purpose.
Some have p/t, o/t, a nurse on duty, meals, exercise and transportation to and from . The one I chose was on the water. I told Mom you wanted a house on the water, this is the best I could do!
I think with most people, its not the actual work as you say, but often dealing with difficult personalities. (in my case, my mom is difficult, there is no way I could be difficult)
That said, while you may not have much of a need for one, you may still need one just as people who are happy in their jobs need a vacation now and then
It’s the personalities that can make it impossible sometimes .
Refusing to believe they need help , manipulation , guilt trips etc .
3 out of 4 of our parents ( hubs and me ) very difficult . We are on the last ( difficult ) one . She may prove to be the worst of the lot . Cooperation would go a long way .
It is a national statistic and it comes from the Surgeon General's Office of the United states (I don't remember which one).
A top cause of caregiver death is suicide. Especially when you're the sole caregiver to an elder or handicapped person with a difficult personality.
Believe me, caregiving is miserable, back-breaking work that is not the "rewarding" experience people who haven't done it think it is. I did it for 25 years as a job. I went home at night and had a life outside the job. This was not so when I got roped into being a family caregiver for my mother who I never got along with. That almost killed me.
Being stuck in a caregiving situation often causes depression and hopelessness because one miserable, drudgery-filled, laborious day follows another. That hopelessness leads to unhealthy behaviors like over-eating, abusing alcohol, drugs, or both and many other dangerous behaviors. This can lead to heart disease and other illnesses. Now factor in the caregiver will ignore their own health and healthcare because their care recipient's appointments and needs have to come first. So this leads to lack of healthcare, life-saving screenings, and disease preventions.
This is why caregivers so often die first. The bottomless pit of endless neediness takes them for its own.
Why are you even asking the question? You've obviously answered it for yourself already.
Burn out is real.
This is one of the reasons that people take vacations from their jobs.
I used to worry about everything!
Now I decided what will be will be.
Chances are something may happen while I am out.
Bigger probability something will happen while I am not.
Also, if you're not to die before the person who you're looking after, you will need to know how to live when you are no longer a caregiver.
Lastly, you can't wrap your loved one in cotton wool. You cannot prevent any harm befalling them because you are just one person. You are human and not all powerful.
You need rest and you need to not lose yourself by becoming subsumed beneath the life, the wants and needs, of the person who you are caring for.