Well she doesn't use the stove, thankfully, but she has trashed several small appliances and messed up the washing machine (just getting a service person in the door costs $95 now) and despite me even taping the doors closed, she is still messing with things - she put in so much detergent that it came out the top of the machine. How do I get her to stop? She gets mad if I tell her not to do laundry, etc. On the other hand, she fusses about doing it. Says 'why don't you stop following me around?' One day she had left the sink faucet on while puttering around and it had overflowed also - and I was already worn out from picking the 'Depends' filling out of the dryer. The previous week she had flushed her Depends down the toilet ( I think that made enough impression that she is careful about that, now.) It seems like all I do is fuss about things and try to head off another small, but costly, disaster. It's like having a large ten year old running wild all over the house - except that she can't run anymore!
It didn't work because my Dad's brain didn't work very well anymore - dementia was in control. He could not change his behavior regardless of the motivation. The only way to change Dad's behavior was to limit his options - by physical changes (like securing potentially dangerous materials in locked cabinets) or supervision (locater bracelet, cameras you can monitor when out of the house, in home attendant, or MC).
Please accept that the Mom you have known for decades is gone. The dementia brain your Mom has now is neither thoughtful nor predictable. She doesn't want to cause problems and has a limited capacity to understand how she has caused problems - so she cannot change her behavior to avoid causing those problems again in the future. Now you need to change your behavior. You need to accept where your mother really is on the dementia journey. You need to make your home safe for your mother or you need to find a good facility for her. It's a really difficult turn in the road.
I need so many reminders that this IS not so. I wish it were, but it isn't.
Thank you for your comment here. It helped me greatly.
Your initial costs out weigh replacing appliances, repair services and her safety. She is a busy bee that that's good but needs to be disciplined. Give her projects to do, scrap booking, clipping coupons in magazines, dusting nic-nacs, small picture frames, etc. Good Luck.
I paused for several minutes to think what to add on a positive note, but I can't find one. I'm sorry.
She needs an in-home aide or to go to memory care ALF.
The very first answer mentioned talking to her dr. to report all behavior and ask for medication to assist. Definitely take that person's advice and talk to your mom's dr. Medications can certainly help. They won't be able to cure dementia, but can alleviate some of the dementia-associated behaviors.
It's true as others have stated, your mom cannot change, so you have to change........your thinking and expectations.
Washes dishes and puts them in the rack with food and grease still on them.
Today was a new one. Poured water on the counter and tried cutting it with a knife.
Cuts her panties( diaper). Not so bad currently but still messy. Fortunately she has quit trying to use the microwave. Once she warmed up her coffee for twenty five minutes. Boy did I have a mess to clean. Glad it wasn't beans.
Could not get her to stop but she did on her own.
Had to remove the knobs from the stove since she almost created a bomb by getting one lit and the other was just on with gas escaping. (Opened doors and started fan)
Turned coffee maker on with nothing in to be warmed up. Tears the bed apart and brought the covers and sheets to me.
Doesn't pull pants down far enough and pees on them.
She has aphasia which prevents her from explaining why she does things.
The best I can suggest is to get some running shoes.
Sorry
When I talk to her about these things she looks at me like I am an alien invader from another planet.
im exhausted picturing all that in my head!
I thought maybe you were just venting. but you said how to get her to stop?
I don't know. sounds like you do need to follow her around :(
hide the soap or put out a very small container - put up "out of order" signs
put water saver faucet on tap - it runs a little slower tho
I know if I lived with my mom she would cut stuff up with her scissors! she loves to cut ...but never pastes! oh and don't give my mom a sharpie marker!
You need to be proactive now. Sounds like your Mom needed to be watched. I agree, unplug or shut off the circuit braker. If you have to, put a lock on your laundry room. If Mom is doing these things don't leave her alone.