I am so friggin scared. I need your help!! She is back in the hospital. She called me at noon. They went to her house at 4:30am and she said she didn’t get to the hospital till 6am. They couldn’t pull in her driveway because nobody had plowed the end of it yet. My son and I had shoveled everything but the end. They couldn’t get in the back door because it was locked. They went in through the front door because it was unlocked. She was upstairs short of breath, and shaking. They helped her down the stairs and cleared a lot of junk out of the way in the dining room. I’m over here now taking pictures of this hell hole. I contacted her primary doctor and they contacted APS and left a message. The social worker at the hospital called me and left a message to call her back. She wanted to meet with me and my mother tomorrow. I called and let a message and said she needs to go to assisted living. I can’t help her anymore!!! I can’t be there in the morning I have to work tonight. I told my mother when she called at noon I would stop up today. Should I go up to the hospital? Should I stay away? What if she calls me at home? Should I tell her she needs to go to assisted living? I am so scared right now. I’ve told everyone everything!!!! Help me please!!!
My mother was a lesser version of yours. Apartment was messy,not very clean,she didn't bathe well,couldn't do her laundry,fell on NYC streets buying groceries and on and on. Finally a fall landed her in the hospital and then to rehab and then to AL. I couldn't have gotten her there on my own. Over 6 years later she is much better off. Stay strong.
Just remain cool, calm & collected tomorrow when you do go to the hospital for the meeting. Your ducks are all lined up now. Mother needs to NOT come home now. She needs placement. That is what you tell the SW as many times as necessary in order for the message to sink in.
Then let go and let God. This is the 'crisis' opportunity you've been waiting for. With God's help, mother will be soon be placed in a care environment where she'll be cared for until she passes. Sending you a giant HUG and a load of prayers that all goes well.
Now, do know if you say you do not want power of attorney and guardianship, then your mother will be basically a ward of the state. They will take care of her and her home. They will do it all. BUT you will not have any say about where she is placed. So that has to be something you know.
Your Mom will not cooperate. It is time for them to take over. Good luck. Know that if she is in 5 days she can go to rehab. Likely needs the care, and another good opportunity to reinforce that she cannot go home, you will not take her home, and sending her home is unsafe. On the phone tell Mom you love her but she needs help now and won't accept it from you.
We are all in your corner. I don't think a single person here is in disagreement with what you need to do, and on the forum THAT'S RARE! Thinking of you and pulling for you. THIS is best for your Mom, too, thought she won't see that for a long time.
Mother had a crisis about that age (one of several). The more the professionals got involved,the better it went, the better care she got, and the easier it was on me. Did she like it? No she didn't but, nonetheless, it was what was best for her. She got the care and meds that she needed.
Keep us updated.
Please feel peace about your decision. You know that she is being cared for. I think it’s good they have ordered a psych test. Things could be looking up!
Hugs. 💗
If she calls you for help (panic attack, breathing troubles, etc) you call 911 and have them deal with it. If it's an EMERGENCY, then EMERGENCY services need to intervene, not you.
YOU are powerless, except in your ability to step back and let the professionals do their jobs. Dont let your mother or anyone else manipulate you into sacrificing your life, your health or your livelihood. And tell your son to back off as well.
Find yourself a therapist who can help you work on these triggers.
When you see the SW tomorrow, ask about having your mother sent to a psychiatric facility for evaluation ESPECIALLY if they suggest that because she is competent, they want to send her home.
Write down a list: hoarding, panic attacks, alcoholism, refusal to seek medical care, inability to manage medications and renewals, refusal or inability to perform basic hygiene, grooming or dressing.
Present this dispassionately and calmly. Mention that you have guardianship of your adult son (that both establishes you as a person who has been found responsible by the courts AND that you already have a lot on your plate).
If they say they are sending her home in a cab, ask for an occupational therapist to evaluate her home as a place she can be safely discharged to.
Good luck and let us know how you make out! (((((Hugs)))))).
Even if she doesn't get placed this go round, EMS will have called her in to APS. If she goes home, she will end up hospitalized again soon. As long as you don't show up to take her home, they will get the message.
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